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In-flight gadgets, sublime and ridiculous

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OK, so much for the smart set. Now for some of the wildest in-flight gadgets I’ve seen in a long time.

Flatulence Filter. It’s a cushion that apparently eliminates the stink from last night’s Mexican meal. If someone sat down next to me with this apparatus, I would be both thankful and frightened. Does it muffle the sound as well? Wouldn’t it just be easier to buy a roll of Gas-X?

Knee Defender. This apparatus prevents the passenger in front of you from reclining his seat. At first, it seems like a great idea, but when the guy in front of you makes a scene and calls the flight attendant, you’re going to look pretty silly. I know the economy seats are small, but this is not going to solve the problem. As of now, every passenger has the right to recline except those in the row in front of the window exits.

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Privacy Scarf. You have to see this. It is a scarf that fits over your head and laptop, allowing you total privacy. OK, unless you are James Bond or you have a need to watch pornographic content in flight, this is a bit over the top, don’t you think? Get the 3M privacy filter instead.

Seat Cover. From the Howard Hughes line of germaphobes, comes a cover that fits over an entire airline seat. I think this is a bit much but, mind you, nobody can be sure when the airline last washed the seats properly.

Ionic Breeze. There are mixed reactions to this product. Some say it purifies the air, and others say it pollutes it. It is worn below the neck and apparently sends trillions of air-cleansing ions up toward your face. The people who wear it swear by it, but they are hardly going to badmouth a trinket that they spent more than $120 for.

At the beginning of a flight a while back, a businesswoman dressed in smart business attire took her seat and proceeded to take out an elaborate hat made of many layers of aluminum foil. She wore it for the duration of the flight. When I asked her about it, she told me it was her anti-radiation hat and that she owns several of them. This woman flies hundred of thousands of miles a year and has never gotten sick from flying. I guess if it works for her, who am I to comment? But I do wonder if she has ever heard the story “The Emperor’s New Clothes.” Just curious.

Got any items that you would recommend for this year’s list? Send them to me and I will check it out. Happy New Year!

James Wysong has worked as a flight attendant with two major international carriers during the past fifteen years. He is the author of the "The Plane Truth: Shift Happens at 35,000 Feet" and "The Air Traveler's Survival Guide." For more information about James or his books, please visit his Web site or e-mail him.


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