What's the real measure of a ‘good mom’?

While she’s not suggesting that moms burn their nursing bras and get inked, she does bring up a recent conversation with an admissions person at an Ivy League school. “She told me she prefers potential students who haven’t been coached every step of the way and who have been left to their own devices a bit,” says Mead-Ferro. She points out that there is such a thing as an overdevoted mother.

“For too many people, the role of motherhood has become this joyless thing. It’s competitive, aggressive and exhausting. It’s not good for mothers and it’s not good for the kids either,” says Mead-Ferro. “What teenager is going to want to grow up to someday be a mother if she sees that her own mother never has any fun?”

When it comes to Britney, however, not everyone buys her party-girl approach.

“Who breaks up a marriage and then becomes friends with Paris Hilton?” asks Donna Raskin, a teacher in Rockport, Mass., and mother of a young son. “When you see pictures of someone going out late at night, you know she’s not taking care of her children. You can’t do both. Who is feeding your kids? Who is reading to them? When I look at pictures of Britney Spears, I think she’s doing whatever she’s doing, but she’s not being a good mom.”

Penley says Britney's main issue is lack of maturity, more so than not caring about her kids. “Right now she’s acting like a teen ... who hasn’t yet developed mature judgment. She’s acting like a boat without a rudder, following her whims and overly influenced by external forces.”

But she’s also gone from stardom to mom-dom and had two back-to-back pregnancies and two failed marriages in the course of a few years.

If June Cleaver, Donna Reed or any of us had photographers following nonstop, we might not be painted as perfect either.

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