Tale of the texts: OMG! Brit -n- Pari$ chat

With the lightning speed so familiar in Hollywood relationships, Britney Spears ditched hubby-baby daddy Kevin Federline and took up with everybody’s favorite heiress, Paris Hilton. The career comeback so anticipated by Britney fans seemed put on hold as the mother-of-two commenced hitting the clubs with party girl Paris, flashing paparazzi with her panty-free bottom and even missing out on an important recording date in Miami.

So tight were the hot new BFFs (Best Friends Forever) that Britney and Paris even got matching hair extensions, and were slated to co-host the Billboard Music Awards on Dec. 4.

Then, faster than you can say “bad press,” it was over. Britney dropped out of the Billboard gig for undisclosed reasons. She and Paris were seen partying separately. Then Paris dropped Billboard too, allegedly because of the mean jokes she’d been asked to make about her friends.

But what really happened? And what about that evening they spent together with Paris’ notorious rival Lindsay Lohan? Could a hack into their text message transcripts reveal a clue? If so, what might fans find? Hmmmmmm …

Nov. 24
BritBrit (8:27:55 PM): hey y’all!

Heirhead (8:28:01 PM): b! So glad you axed FedEx!!!

BritBrit (8:30:03 PM): Thanks! I’m ready for some fun! Woot!

Heirhead (8:30:14 PM): We should hang out

BritBrit (8:35:33 PM): YAY!

Heirhead (8:35:45 PM): RU going2 Hyde l8r?

BritBrit (8:37:15 PM): What are you saying?!

Heirhead (8:37:38 PM): ARE YOU going TO Hyde LATER?

BritBrit (8:40:05 PM): TOTALLY!!1!! What are you wearing tonight?

Heirhead (8:40:55 PM): blue Chloe halter dress. U?

BritBrit (8:43:09 PM): I got this cute green mini and a matching thong.

Heirhead (8:43:47 PM): OMG! Ditch the thong!

Nov. 25
Heirhead (4:30:10 PM): did you see the pics? U are hot!

BritBrit (4:33:25 PM): My mom is sooo freaked!

Heirhead (4:33:55 PM): haha

BritBrit (4:35:01 PM): Not funny!!!1!

Heirhead (4:35:36 PM): Wanna go to Manx 2nite?

BritBrit (4:37:30 PM): OK, but i’m wearin’ drawers this time!

Heirhead (4:47:55 PM): LOL! NOT!

BritBrit (4:49:01 PM): Your a bad influence! (Mom sez so!)

Heirhead (4:49:40 PM): OMG! Know what would be funny?

BritBrit (4:51:05 PM): huh

Heirhead (4:51:12 PM): Let’s invite Frcrtch!!!

BritBrit (4:52:27 PM): who?

Heirhead (4:52:49 PM): “LAST CALL” LOHAN!

BritBrit (4:56:50 PM): I thought you hated her!

Heirhead (4:56:59 PM): it’ll be a riot!

Nov. 26
MeanGirl69 (1:24:01 PM): Had a blast last night, guyz! Again 2nite?

Heirhead (1:24:13 PM): um, we’ll see. K?

BritBrit (1:26:00 PM): OMG!!!11! Did you two see my new pics?????

Heirhead (1:26:16 PM): u rock!

MeanGirl69 (1:26:35 PM): Old skool…I was doing that when you were still preggers!

Heirhead (1:26:59 PM): hey frcrtch, I was doing that when you were still fat.

BritBrit: (1:28:15 PM): burn!

MeanGirl69 (1:28:40 PM): i’m losing the signal. Not getting ur messages. cant make it tonight. Have another photo-op. oh, well.

Heirhead (1:28:45 PM): right :)~

Nov. 27
Heirhead (5:26:17 PM): The paparazzi love U!

BritBrit (5:30:07 PM): My mom sez I should wear panties.

BritBrit (5:32:13 PM): Sez I need to think of my kids or something…

Heirhead (5:32:34 PM): Girl, that’s where your kids came from ;^)

BritBrit (5:34:55 PM): I KNOW! Hey, are you busy next week?

Heirhead (5:35:02 PM): N2BZ4UQT

BritBrit (5:45:09 PM): huh?

Heirhead (5:45:46 PM): not too busy for you cutie!

BritBrit (5:50:00 PM): oh, hee. Well, WHTBBMAWM?

Heirhead (5:50:09 PM): ???

BritBrit (5:52:13 PM): Wanna host the Billboard Music Awards with me?

Heirhead (5:52:40 PM): that’d be so hot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nov. 28
BritBrit (6:03:14 PM): Can U believe we got matching hair extentions?!?1?!?!

Heirhead (6:03:16 PM): we look hot

BritBrit (6:05:09 PM): I KNOW!

Heirhead (6:05:13 PM): Party @ Lotus 2nite!

BritBrit (6:08:09 PM): I dunno I think I should spend time with my baby and my older baby

Heirhead (6:08:12 PM): That’s what nannies are for!

Heirhead (6:09:07 PM): hello?

Heirhead (6:09:58 PM): where are you?

BritBrit (6:58:15 PM): Oops. Ran out of minutes

Heirhead (6:58:18 PM): That’s so lame…

BritBrit (7:01:02 PM): See you tonight!!

Nov. 29
BritBrit (2:03:12 PM): Paris, where’d you go last night?!?!?!1

Heirhead (2:03:15 PM): I figured you were so cozy with Brandon Davis it didn’t matter

BritBrit (2:06:08 PM): huh?

Heirhead (2:06:11 PM): My ex, Brandon. Whatever

BritBrit (2:09:03 PM): huh?

Heirhead (2:09:05 PM): WHATEVER!

BritBrit (2:13:46 PM): Well, you can do the Billboard Music Awards by yourself then!

Heirhead (2:13:49 PM): WHAT[expletive]EVER!

Nov. 30
BritBrit (12:13:02 PM): Miss you!

Heirhead (12:13:05 PM): <3

BritBrit (12:15:12 PM): I’m so glad we made up!

Heirhead (12:15:15 PM): me too

BritBrit (12:18:46 PM): Aw, now you’ve got to do the Billboard Music Awards by yourself

Heirhead (12:18:49 PM): No way, I’m bailing on that. Won’t do it without you! 

BritBrit (12:21:06 PM): Whatcha doing tonight?

Heirhead (12:21:09 PM): Ugh, I told frcrtch I’d go out with her

BritBrit (12:23:46 PM): OMG, no way

Heirhead (12:23:49 PM): That was before we made up! You have to come, too!

BritBrit (12:26:04 PM): COOL

Dec. 1
MeanGirl69 (12:32:06 PM): That wuz so much fun, guyz!

BritBrit (12:35:12 PM): My mom’s so mad. sez I need to stop flashing everybody.

Heirhead (12:35:15 PM): My mom is disappointed in all of us

MeanGirl69 (12:35:18 PM): My mom thought it was cool! Where to now?

BritBrit (12:36:46 PM): um…

Heirhead (12:36:47 PM): Hey Linds, why don’t you go “be adequite” somewhere else?

MeanGirl69 (12:36:50 PM): i’m losing the signal. Not getting ur messages. cant make it tonight. Have another photo-op. oh, well.

Heirhead (12:36:52 PM): haha

BritBrit ( 12:37:12 PM): My mom’s coming, gotta go!

Heirhead (12:37:15 PM): cya

Dec. 2
BritBrit (3:12:06 PM): My mom sez I can’t hang out with you anymore!

Heirhead (3:12:09 PM): My mom sez you’re ruining my image!

BritBrit (3:14:12 PM): As if!

Heirhead (3:14:14 PM): Whatever

BritBrit (3:16:46 PM): Fine

Heirhead (3:16:48 PM): WHATEVER

BritBrit (3:19:02 PM): FINE

Heirhead (3:28:07 PM): Wanna go to Hyde 2nite?

BritBrit (3:30:12 PM): AWESOME!!!1!!

Helen A. S. Popkin is a freelance writer in New York. Ree Hines is a freelance writer in Tampa.

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