It's that time of year ... to brag about our kids

"I just view it as a convenient way to catch people up with our lives and what we're doing. It’s also spreading a positive message," says Alice, author of "Love Will Find You." She believes sharing her good news reassures others that they, too, can find happiness.

She always clears what she's writing with her husband and older children first though. "I generally sit down with them and say, 'From my perspective this is what's going on in your life. Is it OK to write that?'"

That's a key step, says developmental psychologist Marvin Berkowitz, a professor at the University of Missouri, St. Louis.

"It's a great parenting practice and it empowers a kid's voice," he says.

Are my parents hypocritical nuts?
Don't be surprised, though, if teens refuse to be written about, he says, and beware the trouble that can ensue if the picture you paint doesn't add up for a child.

"If you want your children to be honest — which, hopefully, most enlightened people would — parental modeling is a critical piece in what kids become. If kids see parents being dishonest — even if it's in a Christmas letter — they're more likely to be dishonest," he says. "They may also think, are my parents nuts? Jerks? In general, they'll probably see you as a hypocrite and devalue you."

Bottom line: Bragging doesn't just annoy and offend others. It also can affect the kids in a negative way.

"The little kids pretty much uniformly love bragging because preschoolers, in the vast majority of cases, have a highly inflated self-esteem,” says Berkowitz. Preschoolers will also generally get their fair share of reprimands so bragging (“Look at how well she paints!” “She’s such a fast runner!”) does little harm.

By the time children get to elementary school, however, their self-esteem is more realistic. The real task for this age and older is to figure out that they can produce quality products and acts. Parents need to be their reality check and let them know where they truly excel, says Berkowitz. If you’re going to talk about their accomplishments at home or the park (with other parents who genuinely seem interested in hearing it), be careful not to exaggerate them.

Also, remember that in general nobody (except maybe The Donald) wins friends by boasting.

“Accomplished and talented people don’t want to alienate others by making them feel inferior,” says John Allen Mollenhauer, a life coach in Maplewood, N.J. So if you really want a winner kid, perhaps you should aim to pass along the fine art of modesty.

Pack says it's OK to focus on some of the family highlights in your Christmas letter, just leave out the obnoxious, boastful bits. Most recipients want to hear how your lives are going overall, what you've been up to, what grade the kids are in and what their interests are. But leave off the details of the report cards and sporting triumphs.

Of course, we all have a select few people for whom we should feel free to pull out all the bragging stops — be it during the holidays or any other time of the year.

"There is something I call guilt-free bragging," Berkowitz says. "That's when there's someone — a grandparent or an aunt and uncle — who truly gets as much or more enjoyment as you do out of your children's exploits. It's perfectly fine to brag to them because they live for this stuff."

Save the hyper-glowing, multi-paged letters for these folks.

Victoria Clayton is a freelance writer based in California and co-author of "Fearless Pregnancy: Wisdom and Reassurance from a Doctor, a Midwife and a Mom," published by Fair Winds Press.

MORE FROM KIDS AND PARENTING

Kids and parenting Section Front

CPSC chief: Agency moved too slowly on crib safety Largest crib recall in U.S. history announced Kids watching hours of TV at home daycare Biggest child-killers: pneumonia and diarrhea 1 formerly conjoined twin talking after surgery FDA panel OKs new kids’ pneumococcal shot Toxic toys? Health group finds high lead levels Sex infections still rising, especially in teens FDA weighs updated kids’ pneumococcal shot Twins joined at head successfully separated Kids and parenting Section Front   Add Kids and parenting headlines to your news reader: