Writers on film: Drunk, crazy and sexy

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Dec. 23: Singer Fergie talks about her transition from the concert stage to the silver screen for the musical "Nine". NBC's Mike Wilber reports.

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December movies
James Cameron’s spectacle “Avatar” hits theaters, along with George Clooney, who is “Up in the Air,” and Robert Downey Jr. as “Sherlock Holmes.”

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Smart, sexy and crazy ... oh my
Most writers I know love movies like 1940’s “His Girl Friday,” where everyone’s impossibly quick-witted and breakneck bantering and journalism seems very, very cool. Or they like to pretend they’re more glamorous than they’ve ever been and get to be part of the Algonquin round table in “Mrs. Parker and The Vicious Circle.”

They’re nice fantasies. Personally, I’m down with 1964’s “Paris When It Sizzles” because William Holden’s writer character is rich and a layabout. But those films don’t go far enough in truly scratching most writers’ itch. That’s because most writers are too shy to say that they’d really rather be a part of the NC-17 free-love fest that is 1990’s “Henry and June,” about the sexed-up lives of Henry Miller, his wife June and Anaïs Nin; or the full-frontal flesh-calligraphy jamborees going down in Peter Greenaway’s 1996 weirdo mind-blower “The Pillow Book.”

The writer-as-nut-job. You know what? Forget what I said up to this point about digging those other representations. Loony trumps everything else.

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Even if it’s simply a moment of insanity like when Jane Fonda throws her typewriter out the window in 1977’s “Julia,” it’s a chance for writers like me to sit in the theater and think, “Well, my career is flailing and stalled but at least I’m not out of my gourd.” Besides, tossing a MacBook around just seems less emphatic, you know? The Apple Store would simply send you to the Genius Bar and fix it for you.

It’s comforting to watch 1991’s “Naked Lunch” and get a load of Peter Weller’s typewriter turning into a cockroach, or Jack Nicholson slowly turn mad and murderous in 1980’s “The Shining,” or witnessing Pia Zadora in 1983’s “The Lonely Lady” as she has a nervous breakdown in the shower — clothes on — after being forced into three-way sex with a movie producer. The faces of all who’ve wronged her, along with the keys of her typewriter, spin in her mind until she goes full-bender psychedelic freakout and the screen turns crazy colors. It’s so out-of-control and good you kind of can’t believe it even exists. It’s not just for camp-obsessed gays. It’s for everyone.

If they could remake that one with Will Ferrell — in the Pia role — I’d be first in line.

Dave White is the author of “Exile In Guyville” and the film critic for Movies.com. Find him at www.imdavewhite.com.

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