Just call Madonna the recycled-Material Girl

Kudos to Madonna for jumping the shark perhaps 10 years before that term was even coined — and still tricking us into obsessing on her. Just as news coverage of the “scandalous” disco cross scene in her current “Confessions” tour reached its nadir, BLAM! Madonna pops up in a tiny impoverished country somewhere in Africa with the rumors of maybe — maybe not — adopting one of its many destitute orphans.

“Ooooh” and “Ahhhh” fawn the gossip rags. (I’m paraphrasing.) “Isn’t she amazing? See how she continues to reinvent herself even after all these years?”

Except lately — actually for a while now — these so-called reinventions translate to little more than the desperate measures of an aging female pop star fighting tooth, nail and personal trainer to stay on top in the encroaching world of Britneys, Christinas, and even Kelly Clarksons.

Face it, kids — Madonna is stuck in reruns — either her own, or in the case of the recent African orphan safari, Angelina Jolie’s. Heck, she’s even cribbing from Tom Cruise — her Kabbalah mania smacks of little more than pseudo-religious Pepsi to Scientology’s Coke.

That’s not to say Madonna isn’t relevant. According to Billboard magazine, the “Confessions” tour was the highest-earning ever by a female artist, with Madonna making a profit of $258 million. And with tickets going for $350 a pop, obviously Madonna is relevant to someone — in fact, a whole lot of someones.

It’s not just about nostalgia, either. Myriad concert reviews report that the “Confessions” playlist mainly features Madonna’s later material, saving a few of her 1980s hits, such as “Lucky Star” for the encore. Her paradoxical ability to stay relevant, despite her complete lack of, um, relevance, is what makes her so fascinating. (Well, that and her freakishly well-toned biceps and thighs.)

Papa, don't preach
Madonna is certainly still relevant to William Donohue. As president of the Catholic League for Religious and Civil Rights, he’s built a reputation on publicly condemning what he regards as Catholic bigotry in show biz. Past foes include Marilyn Manson and “South Park.”

As you can imagine, Madonna’s aforementioned disco cross scene had him positively apoplectic. In case you missed it, it goes something like this: Madonna, wearing a smart blouse in pumpkin spice (a very “in” color for fall), black slacks and a crown of thorns, dangles from a giant mirrored cross faux-crucifixion style and sings her respectable 1986 pop hit “Live To Tell” while images and text regarding the African AIDS crisis flash across a screen.

“Don’t tell me that she’s standing up for poverty and AIDS and insulting my religion,” Donahue said in a recent debate on CNN’s “Paula Zahn Now.”

He’s not alone in his opinion. As NBC wrestles with whether to show the crucifixion portion of the show in an upcoming Madonna concert special, a lot of other less PR-savvy religious institutions share Donohue’s outrage. The Vatican, as well as German and Russian churches had issues with the “Confessions” tour.

Madonna’s official response to crucifixion criticism states, “My performance is neither anti-Christian, sacrilegious or blasphemous. Rather, it is my plea to the audience to encourage mankind to help one another and to see the world as a unified whole.” Hmmmm, could there possible be a better way to spread awareness about AIDS in Africa? Let’s all think for a minute.

Meanwhile, for all his infinitely quotable lines such as how “she jumped to Kabbalah” and “We thought we got rid of her,” Donohue has another point that’s kind of hard to argue with. That would be his criticism of Madonna’s “limited repertoire” and how “she’s been doing this since the 80s”.

It is all so very 1986 — remember the “Like A Prayer” video when everyone got red-faced on account of Madonna dancing in front of burning crosses and making out with an animated statue of a black saint? It was so scandalous, she even lost her Pepsi sponsorship! As far as this current “outrage” — yawn. Madonna’s sacrilege angle is so played out, it’s tempting to suspect she and Donohue signed some backdoor agreement to keep each other in the news.

MORE FROM CELEBRITIES

Celebrities Section Front

Celine Dion will keep trying to have a baby J.Lo’s ex blocked from selling alleged sex tape Jackson’s private funeral cost nearly $1 million Judge: Joe Jackson can’t challenge executors Arrest warrant dropped for Quaids in hotel case Source: Julianne Hough, Chuck Wicks split up Mutual of Omaha settles suit against Winfrey Lawyer: Woods’ brother did not get proper care Justin Timberlake granted restraining order Mayer chimes in on Britney lip-sync hubbub Celebrities Section Front   Add Celebrities headlines to your news reader: