Bucking the norm, some families think big

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Even with her husband’s income as a car dealership finance manager, Staicer says budget-balancing can require buying secondhand sports gear and controlling food bills with coupons and leftovers. Each weekday afternoon, she switches into chauffeur mode, driving her children to afterschool activities.

“I don’t want them to grow up thinking that because we had all these kids, they couldn’t do anything,” she said.

Her oldest children — Nikolas, 14, and Allegra, 11 — sometimes weary of the decibel level around the house, but they also see upsides. If she’s briefly feuding with one of her siblings, said Allegra, there’s always someone else to play with.

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To do list: 20 loads of laundry
One gauge of the Staicers’ home life is laundry — 20 loads in an average week. In South Orange, N.J., where Diana and Ronald Baseman have raised 10 children, trash output is a challenge — at one point, garbagemen needed to be tipped before they would haul away the family’s refuse.

The Basemans had six biological children, then — after Diana had three miscarriages — adopted four more from Guatemala, the oldest 8 and the youngest barely a year old.

One factor was Diana Baseman’s refusal, as a Roman Catholic, to use artificial birth control, but even as a child she aspired to have a big family.

“I have learned so much from children that I never would have learned otherwise,” Baseman said.

Even with the two oldest children in their 20s and living elsewhere, Baseman has her hands full homeschooling the others.

“My biggest frustration is that I make the schedule and then there’s an emergency — practically every day,” she said. “But a lot people get exhausted by taking care of their children. I don’t.”

From far-flung communities, many parents of large families enjoy comparing notes. Several Web sites have surfaced to accommodate such exchanges, including LargerFamilies.com, founded this year by Meagan Francis of Williamston, Mich.

Francis, 29, has four children — fewer than many of her site’s regular bloggers, but enough to raise eyebrows in her suburb outside Lansing. “People thought I was insane,” she said.

Bucking stereotypes
From overseeing the Web site, Francis has concluded that large families don’t fit the stereotypes sometimes applied to them.

“Some are really religious, others aren’t. A lot are homeschoolers but many are not,” she said. “There are stay-at-home moms, working moms, some with lots of money, some with not much ... We don’t all fit a mold.”

Francis is bemused by the recent buzz that large families are a status symbol.

“The majority of the large families I know have made adjustments — the kids share bedrooms, they don’t always get new toys,” she said. “It’s more a question of valuing things a little differently.”

Laura Bennett believes mothers with lots of children should make a point of doing something just for themselves on a regular basis. In her case, it’s dressing well every day, “not getting sucked into sweatsuits and sneakers.”

Bennett’s oldest child, a daughter from a previous marriage, goes to college in Houston. The four children she has had with Shelton, sons ranging from 10 to 3, share a bunkroom. A fifth brother is expected at the end of November.

The main reaction Bennett gets from mothers with fewer children is, “How do you do it?”

“My answer is I don’t think about it too much,” she said. “You do what you need to do, and you have to just let go of a few things. Don’t expect things to be perfect every day.”

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