Why women have trouble getting rich

Eventually, though—and this took years — it started to bother me that I had no idea where the money was going. I had no idea how much we were spending. I had no idea how much we were saving. With the exception of my own 401(k), I had no idea how our investments were doing. I didn’t know the online passwords that enabled my husband to pay our bills over the Internet. I’d never met the accountant who prepared our joint tax return.

Part of the reason it started to bother me, and I’m ashamed to admit that it took this to get me there (and because I’m ashamed to admit it, we’ll explore this notion in greater detail in Chapter 3), is that my salary had grown to a point where it equaled his. I started to feel as if I deserved to know what was happening with our money. I started to feel that he needed to be as accountable to me as I was to him.

But by this point, it was a little late. Because I had ceased to pay attention, I was constantly worrying about money. Did we have enough? Enough to go on vacation? Enough to retire? Enough to send the kids to summer camp? Enough to eat out a few times a week? He said we did. But that didn’t stop me from waking up in the middle of the night wondering if I’d put too much on the MasterCard or if we could really afford the bathroom renovation that was starting — gulp — tomorrow. Plus, by that time, my marriage was on its way to being over. I’m sure that realization played into my sleepless nights as well.

So I decided to grow up. I did it slowly, starting with the money-related decisions that were closest to my comfort zone: the spending ones. I started saving all my receipts to figure out what I was spending — and found I was spending much more than I had ever suspected. I took on the role of chief negotiator. I started getting us on the best phone plans, haggling over rental car and hotel rates. Eventually, I bought a car (demanding to talk to a second salesman after the first one — the one who took me on a test drive — told me he didn’t think we should negotiate because my husband wasn’t there). I fought the health insurer when the claim for our son’s surgery was denied. And I took pictures for the Northwestern Mutual representative when Hurricane Floyd did a number on our house. Then I moved on to saving tasks. I opened separate savings and checking accounts and started paying some bills myself online. I took a more active role in rebalancing the investments in my 401(k) and IRAs. And eventually I had a face-to-face with an accountant. 

The change wasn’t instantaneous. Developing systems that actually worked for me took a while. (Sticking receipts in my vast wasteland of a tote bag was an initial disaster; putting them in my wallet was much better.) And it took a while to get over the feeling that I was about to make a big mistake at any moment. But guess what? I definitely made some small gaffes, but I didn’t make any from which there was no recovery. The more information I had, the better I felt. The more in control I was of my money, the more in control I felt of my life. That control wasn’t absolute, of course; it wasn’t unshakable.  Life being life never allows you to control everything. And life often sends you down some bumpy roads. But I know that a good foundation makes dealing with even the roughest of them easier.

The upshot? For the first time in many, many years not only did my wealth start to grow but I had the ability to track that growth. And the fact that my savings account and 401(k) were getting fatter inspired me to make them fatter still. I found my money confidence. And money confidence breeds more money.  So now—just as I’ve helped you climb small money mountains (finding the right mortgage, getting the right credit card, deciding if you want a 529 plan or UGMA to save for college)—I am going to help you climb the biggest one. I am going to help you have a safe, secure financial future. I am going to help you get rich.

Excerpted from “Make Money, Not Excuses,” by Jean Chatzky. Copyright © 2006 by Jean Chatzky. Excerpted by permission of The Crown Publishing Group, a division of Random House. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.

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