‘Dancing’ results: More filler than a Twinkie

The unwelcome return of Tucker
Next, and perhaps inevitably, was the unwelcome return of Tucker Carlson, booted last week to the relief of many and back this week to the delight of none. He sat down for a “hard-hitting” interview with the judges, in which he questioned them about the scoring system and got them to admit the scandalous truth that they consider both technique and presentation in scoring the dances. To borrow from Peggy Lee, “Is That All There Is?” doesn’t even begin to describe it. If this show had a doctor, the prescription would be 100 percent less Tucker Carlson, even if it meant filling the time with footage of Jerry Springer soaking his feet.

Two more celebrities were told that they were safe from being eliminated: Monique Coleman and Harry himself. Harry’s partner Ashly proved that if nothing else, she is certainly the loudest and most celebratory of the professional dancers. And then there were even more commercials.

When the bottom two were finally announced, Vivica was safe. Willa was kicked to the bottom two. Jerry was safe. So the other spot in the final two came down to Shanna Moakler and last week’s darling, Mario Lopez. Unsurprisingly, given Mario’s high level of talent in spite of his poorly chosen routine, Shanna was in the bottom two. So Mario will be back next week, and one suspects that he will perhaps do the dance that’s assigned.

When it was all over (after another commercial break), Shanna was eliminated. It was unsurprising and therefore anticlimactic that it would come down to those two women, and that Shanna would exit. Just another week at the mercy of the fickle public. Next week: tango and jive. If you’re not hoping it’s the men doing the jive, you may not have fully explored the comedic possibilities presented by the rhythm-impaired Harry Hamlin.

Linda Holmes is a writer in Bloomington, Minn.

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