10 wacky airline lawsuits

6. What a Dope: A passenger who was traveling from Hawaii to California was arrested as he retrieved his bag, which contained over a pound of marijuana. The passenger filed a lawsuit against the airline claiming that a baggage handler must have planted the drugs in his bag. Now, I’ve heard of people accusing airline workers of stealing things from their bags, but this is the first I’ve heard of them leaving a present.

7. Got milk? A female pilot filed a lawsuit against her airline when she was terminated for using a breast pump. Now, I have to tread lightly here as my wife is a pilot and a new mom. The airline defended its action, saying it did not object to the pilot using a breast pump in principle, but did object when she was simultaneously flying the airplane. In the pilot’s defense, I must say that the airlines don’t usually provide adequate leaves of absence or proper work breaks, so the working pilot is forced to pump when she can. My wife included.

8. C-E-Uh-Oh: An airline CEO filed a lawsuit against his own liquidated airline for failure to provide full compensation. The exec received his millions, his golf club membership and full health insurance, but he was not able to collect on his free lifetime first class flights. Aw, now doesn’t that just break your heart? Thousands of employees lost their pensions, and this guy is crying because he now has to pay for his air travel. One question, sir: If the airline has liquidated, where do you think your settlement will come from?

9. Fling: A female passenger caught her husband in the lavatory with another woman, then filed a lawsuit against the airline because the pilot had made an announcement making suggestive reference to the “Mile-High Club.” Let me get this straight: It’s not the husband’s fault; it’s the airline’s fault? Where was that reasoning when Bill Clinton needed it?

10. Flung: The CFO of a prominent company was upset that he didn’t get an upgrade to first class on his international flight. He then got drunk and belligerent, defecated on the serving cart and smeared feces onto the cabin walls. The airline won a suit requiring him to refund every passenger’s full-fare first class ticket. When the defendant filed a countersuit saying it was the airline’s fault for serving him too much alcohol, the case was thrown out of court. Can you imagine waking up from that hangover? “I did what?”

Some class-action lawsuits have been good for the airline industry, especially the one filed on behalf of flight attendants against the tobacco and airline industries in a case claiming harm from secondhand smoke. Result: No more smoking on the airplane.

When you hear of a ridiculous lawsuit victory, it’s OK to laugh. But don’t cheer too hard for a multimillion-dollar judgment, because at the end of the day, the costly settlement will show up in your ticket price.

Ah, lawyers, the necessary evil: You can’t live with them, and you can’t settle without them.

James Wysong has worked as a flight attendant with two major international carriers during the past fifteen years. He is the author of the "The Plane Truth: Shift Happens at 35,000 Feet" and "The Air Traveler's Survival Guide." For more information about James or his books, please visit his Web site or e-mail him.

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