The European plan

At 12:30 sharp, a technician finds me and brings me to a room with two computer stations. I sit down at one and she hooks me up to a sort of headset connected to the computer and has me hold onto a bar as my bare feet rest on a metal plate; I feel like a science experiment. I learn that this is a Mattech machine, invented by Chenot to analyze one’s state of health and toxin levels using a sequence of “bioenergetic measurements.” My job is to watch various nature scenes go by on the screen and relax for the next 10 minutes or so. I try my best, but my mind is racing. I have been stressed and not eating well lately, but I reassure myself that at 33 years old my toxin levels can’t be too awful. The technician returns and prints out a five-page report of graphs and numbers and tells me to bring it along when I meet later with Chenot.

There is time for lunch so I head to an opulent dining room on the first floor. A printed daily menu listing the starter along with a choice of two main courses sits next to a pitcher of lemon water on my assigned table. The set menu, designed to support the detoxification process that goes on here, provides ample vitamins, minerals, protein and fiber and has minimal amounts of carbohydrates, fat and processed sugars. After a fruit salad starter, the main course arrives under a silver dome, which my waiter lifts off with dramatic flourish. This is clearly no ordinary spa. Next I am off to rendezvous with Chenot’s attractive wife, Dominique, with whom he runs the spa. She gives me more information on the food that is served here, further explaining its purpose. Although each guest receives personal recommendations, the basic regime for all guests at the spa consists of a low-sugar, dairy-free, no alcohol, no red meat or processed food diet. “Food is the origin of toxins,” she says, adding that it’s what and how we eat that’s more important than counting calories. Chenot enters the room to join our conversation and takes a look at my chart. Communicating in a mix of English and French with Dominique translating, he suggests that I get a blood test. “Your intolerance and allergy readings are quite high,” he explains. “The blood test will tell me more accurately what you should watch out for.”

That evening there is little of my usual diet to watch out for. Dinner is a nondairy, puree of garlic soup and delicious vegetable strudel. Although the soup had a real bite, I could easily get used to these meals. I’m also served a glass of magnesium hydroxide that the nutritionist, while making her rounds through the dining room to check in with guests, tells me is only for the first evening and will “clean me out.” (Guests who stay the week can expect to drink it two to three times.) It’s an unexpected combination — this rigorously detoxifying menu being served in sumptuous surroundings. No wonder the dining room is filled with such a stylish crowd.

DAY TWO
After a liquid breakfast of two fresh juices (carrot and apple) and a bitter tea, things get fun. By 9:30 I am in the spa for a signature water-and-mud-therapy treatment that, according to Chenot, is key to the detoxifying process. It starts with a relaxing half-hour in a high-tech hydrotherapy tub sprinkled with concentrated herbal oils that smell strongly of eucalyptus. Next, a rich mud infused with the same herbal oils is softly painted all over my body before I am wrapped in foil, tucked in and warmed under a blanket. My skin tingles and heats up as I lie there drifting in and out of sleep. Once the mud has had a chance to pull more toxins from my body, I am roused back to reality and led to a large shower where my body is literally hosed down with cold water. Fortunately, an incredibly relaxing facial is next in this head-to-toe cleansing process. It involves a lot of face massage and stimulating potions. I learn from my gentle technician that, not surprisingly, all of the spa’s products are created by Chenot and contain only the highest grade of natural ingredients.

After lunch, there is more spa time, including a massage with a cheerful male therapist, an Italian who speaks only about three phrases of English. No need for words; the massage is one of the best in recent memory. I’m a bit surprised, though, when halfway through the session he brings out two glass suction cups wired into yet another Chenot invention — a “drainer-jet” — whose purpose is to establish rhythm in the body, clean the blood and lymph and invigorate the system overall. He places the cups on my left lower back as he works the right side with his hands. With strong spiral movements, the equipment pulls hard at my skin and muscles, creating a sensation that is part pleasure, part pain. I feel certain that this is working more deeply than massage ever could.

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