9/11 changes or reinforces deeply held beliefs

Name: Maureen Wiltsee
Age: 51
Hometown: New Milford, N.J.

Having grown up in the Bronx, worked in Manhattan and played in both boroughs, I felt I was a true New Yorker. My family moved to NJ in the mid '70s when the neighborhood, once one of the most desirable in the Bronx, started seeing evidence of change and it was not for the better.

I still returned every weekend to "hang out" with the crowd and be a part of the pulse of the nation as I saw it. Then life changed, old friends got married, moved away and I settled into life in suburbia.

I still worked in Manhattan for a few years after the move and the commute was a drag on me financially and physically. Giving in to the inevitable, I became a real suburbanite, car and all. No more 4 or D train to get me where I wanted to go, never mind the A train to Rockaway Beach, my childhood riviera.

I still visited NY but with less frequency, usually on family visits or work related matters. I never really felt a true New Jerseyite and always loved to brag about being from NY even when my heart was breaking at the change to my old stomping grounds. My high school was a casualty of fiscal irresponsibility in the Archdiocese and that nailed it for me. I settled into marriage and life on the other side of the river.

When 9/11 hit, it hit me cold and hard. I knew first responders, the same guys I ran around with as a kid, a relative who by the grace of God was spared certain death by giving in to his vanity and stopped for a shoe shine, a friend who was stuck on the PATH train coming from Jersey City.

Unanswered Questions of 9/11 MSNBC TV Was there a 20th hijacker? U.S. authorities are holding two suspects who may have been the 20th hijacker that never made it to the 9/11 attacks. What did our allies know? What was Flight 93's target? Did Americans aid terrorists? What was Atta doing on 9/10?

My old work place was directly across from the Trade Center and I remembered how much I loved to exit the train at Dey Street to look up at the sun hitting the towers and thinking how beautiful it was. All the love and pride I had in NYC came flooding back and I had a special reverence for it once again.

The souls who perished that day remain a part of the city and always will. It reminds us just how special people are to us. We can replace material things but cannot replace a living breathing person, one who gives and teaches love.

My heart was re-opened that day. Each time I visit Ground Zero, the pride I have for the first responders grows to bursting, the appreciation I have for the little things in life broadens and most of all, the meaning of family, friends and goodness is reinforced in my very fabric.

I have become a softer person and I tried not to become a blindly lashing out at all those "others" type. They are the worst of the worst. Yes, I want to avenge these deaths but I think of them as a gift to humankind, a warning as to what we can become and make damn sure not to.

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