12 ridiculous things about air travel

Charge! Okay, charge extra for an alcoholic drink, maybe a meal and a headset, but keep things within reason. Some airlines are now charging for aisle or window seats, soft drinks and even water. What’s next? Overhead bin space and coin-operated lavatories?

Driving me crazy. If you have ever tried to pick someone up at the airport without parking your car, then you have undoubtedly been shouted at by the traffic cop. Some people have perfected the art of dodge-the-cop, but not me. Happily, some clever airport managers have designated parking areas where you can wait in you car for a cell-phone call saying your arrival is ready to go.

Reservations. Have you tried to get hold of a reservations agent lately? No? Here’s what to expect: a busy signal, a long wait on hold or a computer “helper” that constantly misinterprets your request. If you finally get hold of a person, he or she will hail from some country you have never heard of and will understand only 50 percent of your conversation.

Outsource what? Okay, I realize that the trend in American business is to outsource as much work as possible to foreign workforces. But I think outsourcing aircraft repair and maintenance is going too far.

Con artistry. Airlines in bankruptcy protection that continue to shower their top executives with riches and incentives deserve to be liquidated. This is nothing less that robbing from the poor and giving to the rich. Any bankruptcy judge who allows this to happen should hang his head in shame.

“Buh-bye.” This annoying parting phrase is used by every flight attendant I know, including me. I’ve tried to come up with variations, but when I’m faced with hundreds of faces passing me at the end of a flight, I always end up “bubbing.”

So there’s my list of some ridiculous things that happen during air travel. What are yours? Please send your contributions to me. I will compile a list and post it in a future column, and there will be a prize for the top entries. I look forward to hearing from you.

Until then, “Buh-bye!"

James Wysong has worked as a flight attendant with two major international carriers during the past fifteen years. He is the author of the "The Plane Truth: Shift Happens at 35,000 Feet" and "The Air Traveler's Survival Guide." For more information about James or his books, please visit his Web site or e-mail him.

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