Jumping the couch and landing on Tom's side

By verbally paddling Cruise in the media, Redstone comes off as 1) a doddering ingrate who brusquely ignored the many millions the actor brought in to Paramount’s coffers over the years so he could justify the company’s sudden fiscal clampdown, and 2) an egomaniac who wants to make sure the world knows that even though he already has one foot in the cemetery, he can still beat up Ethan Hunt.

But wait. It gets worse.

Wagner predictably came out swinging in an interview with the Los Angeles Times,  describing Redstone’s comment  as “graceless” and “undignified” and asked, “What is he trying to do? Is this how you treat artists?” Rick Nicita, Cruise’s agent at CAA — who happens to be married to Wagner — said money wasn’t really the issue here. “What this says about Paramount is self-evident,” he said. “It was graceless and it was shocking and offensive.”

Even though they both stand to lose oodles of money from Cruise’s fall and therefore have an obvious agenda here, they’re still right.

Instead of easing off and smoothing over, Redstone handed the matter over to a flak. Wagner claims she and Cruise will continue making movies independently using money from hedge funds and that they were ready to dump Paramount anyway. That brought a response from Redstone mouthpiece Carl Folta to a reporter: “Did they give you a name?”

Did they give you a name? Are these high-level corporate executives, or are they Missy and Tammi dissing a rival clique in the cafeteria? I know Paramount released “Mean Girls,” but I didn’t realize it was based on Sumner and Carl.

The bottom line here is the bottom line. If Cruise’s next picture breaks box office records — which it could; the William Goldman Hollywood mantra “Nobody knows anything” reminds us that the decision-makers have no clue whether a star will remain up or down, and never have — then Redstone would volunteer at a Scientology information tent in order to wade anew in the Cruise/Wagner revenue stream.

As for now, fans who yearn for Tom Cruise’s visage will have to settle instead for Sumner Redstone’s snarky barbs. No wonder box office is way down.

Michael Ventre is a frequent contributor to MSNBC.com. He lives in Los Angeles.

MORE FROM MOVIE OPINIONS

Test Pattern: Departed stars we still miss

Test Pattern: Departed stars we still miss Test Pattern: Ben Stiller’s second chance The baseball movie All-Stars Brendan Fraser: Invisible action hero Test Pattern: Cage fighting, $1 beer and ... Bruno! Test Pattern: 'WALL-E's' weight problem Movie characters we hate loving and love hating Test Pattern: Buying into Batman hype Test Pattern: Actors worth paying to see Test Pattern: Is Mike Myers the antifunny?   Add Movie opinions headlines to your news reader: