Mothers can damage daughters’ body image

Family Meeting
For those of you who have been labeled either the “thin one” or the “fat one” in your family, find a time to talk to your family about how this description makes you feel. Be as honest as you can. Tell your family that you want them to address you as a whole person, not just a size or shape. Also express that you don’t want to be compared to a different-size sibling. You don’t owe anyone an apology for being born the way you are. You need to embrace the body you were born with and begin treating it with more respect.

The Family Quiz

1. Your father spots you eyeing a piece of dessert. He says:
   a. “Go ahead, honey, enjoy it!”
   b. “I thought you were going on a diet!”
   c. “Don’t eat the cake, it is full of nothing but sugar and fat!”
   d. “God, you have no control!”
2. In one single conversation with your mother, how many times does she mention your weight?
   a.Never, we talk about other things.
   b. One or twice
   c. Five times
   d. Always — is there ever a time she doesn’t mention it?
3. In one single conversation with your mother, how many times does she mention your weight?
   a. Asks you about your life and shares moments of hers.
   b. Talks about this new diet she wants to try…tomorrow.
   c. Talks about other people’s weight or appearance.
   d. Begins planning what she is going to eat at the next meal.
4. You haven’t seen your father in six months. When he greets you at the airport, the first thing he says is:
   a. “I’ve missed you so much!”
   b. “Wow, you look like you’ve put on some weight.”
   c. “I guess that diet didn’t work, huh?”
   d. “Have you ever met a cookie you’ve said no to?”
5. Name the thing you have most in common with your mother:
   a. Our wit, sense of humor, and love for shopping
   b. Our mutual disdain for our flabby arms
   c. Our shared diet tips
   d. Our desire to be thinner
6. In order to motivate you to take better care of yourself, your father:
   a.Lovingly tells you that he’d like to see you stick around awhile.
   b. Offers to buy you a new wardrobe if you lose ten pounds.
   c. Practices tough love and won’t talk to you till you get in shape.
   d. Makes jokes at your expense.

If you answered anything other than “a” to any question in this quiz, you may have the beginnings of what is affectionately known as “Mama Drama” or a “Daddy Dilemma,” the prevalent and unfortunate bonding of mothers, fathers, and daughters through the Language of Fat. These dramas and dilemmas have been known to ruin otherwise healthy relationships, hurt people’s feelings, and basically drive you crazy! Approach them with the intention of decoding the language that is keeping your relationship mired in this misguided bonding. As with any of the advice you are given, it is up to you to choose to take action.

Excerpted from “Do I Look Fat in This?” by Jessica Weiner. Copyright © 2006, Jessica Weiner. All rights reserved. Published by Simon & Schuster. No part of this excerpt can be used without permission of the publisher.

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