How to clean like a modern-day Donna Reed

The Cosmetic Clean Shopping List

Stuff You May Already Have

• Toothpaste
• Alka-Seltzer
• Shaving cream
• Socks
• Fuzzy slippers (closed backs)
• Plastic wrap
• Newspaper
• Loofah gloves
• White wine
• Music
• Scented candles

Stuff You Might Have to Buy

• An array of disposables
• Dust cloths or sheets
• Disinfectant multipurpose, multisurface cleaning wipes
• Toilet brush scrubber with throwaway pads (such as Clorox Toilet Wand, Scrubbing Bubbles Fresh Brush or Scotch Brite Toilet Bowl Scrubbers)
• Mops and carpet cleaners with throwaway cleaning sheets and/or spray cleaner attached (such as Swiffer Sweeper, Carpet Flick and Wet Jet, or Clorox Ready Mop)
• Baby wipes
• Cordless stick vacuum
• Paper towels
• Loofah gloves
• White wine
• Music
• Disinfectant air fresheners, scent systems, scented plug-ins

Stuff You Must Buy and Why

The guy with the rubber gloves was surprisingly gentle.

—Ace Ventura, Pet Detective

Classic and Cool Tools

As homage to our ancestral species, the 1950s’ housewife, and our species, desire to maintain our hands and refrain from overworking, every accidental housewife needs to own these two classic cleaning tools:

1. Rubber gloves: For decades they’ve been a housewife’s hands’ best friend and they can easily be found in your local supermarket’s cleaning products aisle. And, as with most things nowadays, fashion has joined function so you can be styling while you’re shining. Diamonds, fur, polka dots, pearls, Pucci, or basic black — there’s a pair of rubber gloves that’s just right for you! Check out some at: www.royalaccessories.com. My personal picks are the pink ones with black-and-white polka dots and pearls.

2. Feather duster: Feather dusters are a timeless and time-tested cleaning tool. They’re easy to use, they’re a perfect cosmetic cleaning companion, and they make you feel a bit magical. The true experts recommend ostrich feathers over chicken or synthetic since they believe they hold on to the dust better. Other experts question whether the dust is gone or has simply flown off to a new locale. Then, there is the accidental question: Do we even care?

Smart Tools

This has a few meanings. The first is being smart about buying tools that will help you do any of your cleaning tasks easily and with little toll on your body. These smart tools include all the disposable wipes, sprays, brushes, mops, scents, and so on. They also include lightweight stick vacuums that can be easily carried about and stored for The Cosmetic Clean. For those who are interested in buying a larger, all-purpose vacuum or are in need of one for The Big Clean, you should check out The Accidental Housewife’s Buyer’s Guide to Vacuums on page 11.

The other meaning of smart relates to tools that are actually called “smart” or “intelligent.” These are robotic helpers that require you to push a button or two to use them. Then you can sit back, watch the tool work for you, or take a snooze. There are many models out there and you’ll want to try to determine which best suits your needs and your wallet. Two to consider are the pocketbook-friendly and expensive IRobot Roomba series (www.irobot.com) and the more sophisticated Electrolux Trilobite (www.electrolux.com). And, coming soon to a McMansion near you, is the future-friendly and pricey humanoid variety: NUVO (www.nuvo.jp). Its creators boast that it walks, talks, takes pictures, and will laugh at your jokes whether they’re funny or not. But can it do windows is my question. When it can do that and make my favorite cup of coffee it will be a truly smart tool.

Portable Schlep Vehicle

Our goal is to make cleaning convenient, brainless, and schlep-free. So in addition to the rubber gloves, feather duster, and portable stick vacuum you should buy at least two easy-to-transport “schlep vehicles” that can hold your main cleaning stuff. These should be stored fully stocked near your high-traffic, high-visibility areas. Consider colorful buckets or baskets with comfy handles, a tool belt, a caddie (as in tool, not golf!), a mini wagon, or whatever “schlep vehicle” works best for you. Some convenient places to store them include:

• Under the bathroom sink
• Under the kitchen sink
• In the family or living room closet

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