No brats allowed!

Christy Bell, a Vero Beach, Fla., mom, parenting instructor and former restaurant owner, says she's seen her share of misbehaved adults. "When I owned a sub shop, I had parents curse at me while I was taking their order, and then turn around and yell at their children for poor behavior,” she says. “Maybe we have to look at what adults, all adults, are modeling for children.”

She also says she’s noticed a certain amount of unreasonableness in what parents and society as a whole expect out of kids.

“In my parenting classes I had one parent who asked me what to do in the following situation: the family eats out every night and every night the toddler cries or throws food,” says Bell. “It seems to me that the answer is to understand what is a reasonable expectation for the behavior of a toddler. Is it really reasonable to eat out every night? That’s a hard time to expect a child to be confined for 45 minutes or an hour.”

Yet, Bell says, plenty of parents think it’s entirely reasonable and they’re shocked and dismayed when they can’t get their kids to comply.

“I don’t think the solution is more childcare or ‘better’ children. But I do think you have to make a lot of choices about where to go,” Senning says.

In fact, she says, sit-down restaurant behavior is learned and has to be worked up to. “You take a 2-year-old to the snack bar down at the park,” she says. “That way they get to experience the fun part of going to a restaurant and you get to manage the time and how well your child is doing. Next, you go to a family restaurant where you learn about ordering. But you always bring activities and toys.”

As parents, be mindful to encourage those businesses that are respectful and friendly to children. Along with the growing number of kid-unfriendly places there are coffee shops, supermarkets, shoe stores, furniture stores and even cell phone centers that are making efforts to welcome parents and kids. Some are installing play centers, handing out toys, providing supervised care or offering interesting shopping carts for children in an effort to make families feel more supported.

'Two rudes don't make a polite'
Still, there will probably always be people out there who will kiss Fido on the mouth but sneer at your little guy or girl.

“We’ve been in a few situations where Alyssa hasn’t even done anything and still we didn’t feel welcome. There were just these looks,” says Wasmund.

What's worse is if — like Nooney at the bookstore — somebody actually admonishes you for your child’s behavior and you feel the behavior is appropriate given the setting.

According to Senning, there’s a gracious way to handle even this. “I always say that two rudes don’t make a polite,” she says. “Just say something like ‘I feel Jamie is doing just fine but we’ll be done in a few minutes and I’ll be on my way.’”

Nooney wound up having a discreet talk with the manager. “It probably won’t do anything to change the attitude toward children but at least the manager understands that I’m not spending my money someplace that claims to be geared toward small children but isn’t.”

Senning says she handled the situation perfectly. “You don’t want to wind up in a confrontation. Remember, the golden rule of parenting is to always behave how you want your kids to behave,” she says.

Victoria Clayton is a freelance writer based in California and co-author of "Fearless Pregnancy: Wisdom and Reassurance from a Doctor, a Midwife and a Mom," published by Fair Winds Press.

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