Great movie teachers? Class is in session

Andie Bergstrom, “SpaceCamp”:  She’s an astronaut!  No, she’s a SpaceCamp instructor!  No, she’s an astronaut who for some reason has nothing better to do for three months than work at SpaceCamp. Andie (Kate Capshaw) is responsible for imprinting upon Lea Thompson that she must put the team first, here at Space Camp, in order to fulfill her destiny of standing around in a blue jumpsuit between Kelly Preston and a hilariously young Joaquin Phoenix. “Every ‘i’ dotted, every ‘t’ crossed,” she says to young, feather-haired Lea.  “That’s the way I learned it.  That’s the way you’ll learn it.”  And that’s why she’s so hard on her — because someday, she’s goin’ up. 

Should I be more worried that I can quote that entire exchange completely from memory, or that I’m not at all ashamed that I can do so? 

Curtis, “The Blues Brothers”: Would you or would you not want Cab Calloway to introduce you to blues music as a child?  That’s what I thought. 

Ben Stein, “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off”:  Although once, just once, I would like to call roll without some student monotoning “Bueller?... Bueller?...” I would like to be this guy when I grow up, for he is quite possibly the most self-actualized teacher I have ever seen.  He has sharpened boring to an art form.  Sometimes I bring in fire twirlers in a vain attempt to catch the interest of my students; this guy didn’t care.  He just absolutely reveled in not being interesting.  No whimsical ties or shout-happy rounds of Economics Jeopardy for this guy, no sir.

It is my understanding that the lecture Ben Stein delivers in the film was completely unscripted. Man. Boring is one thing. Boring on cue?  That takes talent.

Fortune, “Rudy”:  Watch this movie with actual or former Notre Dame students and watch the salty, salty tears flow.  Like all good college movies, the most useful wisdom comes from a speech from the janitor (Charles S. Dutton) in the form of a smackdown that says, in essence:  “Oh, get over yourself and your big fat football.”  I sit at your feet, Janitor Fortune.

Indiana Jones:  Indy’s day job?  Professor of Archeology.  Perhaps I should take to wielding a fedora in the classroom.  Also, a whip.

Freelance writer Mary Beth Ellis runs BlondeChampagne.com and teaches (no, really) in Central Florida.  She is about to appear in Random House’s “Twentysomething Essays from Twentysomething Authors” but is honestly more awed by her brand-new nephew, Will.  She hopes to teach him many destructive tendencies one day.

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