In any language, Gibson is a real schmuck

As a casual student of Yiddish, I consulted three books — “The Joys of Yiddish” and “Hooray for Yiddish,” both by Leo Rosten, and “Every Goy’s Guide to Common Jewish Expressions” by Arthur Naiman — to find words to describe Mel Gibson’s career-threatening meltdown last weekend in Malibu. Because to my knowledge, the appropriate words don’t exist in English.

Yiddish seems like the way to go here, simply because Gibson’s drunken rant wasn’t garden variety. Those happen every day. Statistics show that in and around Los Angeles a celebrity is self-destructing every 30 seconds. They don’t all impact the public consciousness like a Nick Nolte mug shot, but they keep the agents scrambling, the rehab centers humming and the bloggers buzzing.

No, what Mel did was order “the whole shmeer” (the works). Apparently he saw Tom Cruise jump on the couch, lecture Matt Lauer about psychiatry and tout Scientology to anyone who would listen in a sudden attempt at career implosion and snorted, “Amateur hour. I can top that.”

So he did. He not only got pulled over for DUI at 2:30 a.m. on Friday after driving more than 80 mph, he became belligerent with the arresting officers, tried to flee to his car and had to be handcuffed, then yelled, “I own Malibu!” and “You’re going to regret you ever did this to me!”

But his anti-Semitic remarks really set this apart from the usual formulaic Hollywood busts. He allegedly said, “The Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world” and then asked a deputy, “Are you a Jew?”

From gonstermacher to shlemazl
In one meshugge (crazy, wacko) performance, Gibson went from a gonstermacher (big shot) to a shlemazl (born loser), which is a remarkable transformation even in a town known for illusion and special effects. One might even exclaim, “Gevalt!” (a cry of fear, astonishment, amazement).

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This is tragic, because at one time Gibson appeared to be a mensch (an honorable, decent person). He always had a smile for everyone, no matter what his or her religious or ethnic background. He had movie-goers lined up at the box office for such hits as the “Lethal Weapon” series, “Braveheart,”  “What Women Want” and “Signs.” He gave to charity, including the Sheriff’s Department, which is another whole megillah (long complicated story). He posed for photos with fans.

But apparently Gibson’s underlying intent was to shmeikhel (deceive, fool, swindle) the public. While fueled by drugs and alcohol — he admitted his demons in a 2004 interview with Diane Sawyer — Gibson’s anti-Semitism caused him to become farbissen (embittered), despite his great wealth and success.

The world got a dose of Gibson’s farshtinkener (stinking) thinking in the movie that almost earned him enough money so he could indeed own Malibu, “The Passion of the Christ.” Although it brought Christians to the theaters in droves, the film’s depiction of Jews caused an outcry among Jewish leaders, many of whom concluded then that anyone who makes such a movie must be a shmuck (no translation needed).

But in Hollywood, the real sin — which transcends all religious affiliations — is in failing to worship a cash cow.  So although regarded in some circles as a momzer (bastard), many were willing to say “Mazel tov!”(congratulations)  instead of “Gai avek!” (go away, get out of here).

Not any more. Suffice to say that after he revealed his true anti-Semitic feelings, the Museum of Tolerance won’t be hiring him as a docent any time soon.

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