Comic-Con: 36 years of nerd prom

5. You will watch ‘Kyle XY’!
There’s a big ad in the Con schedule for the new ABC Family series about a twentysomething teenager with no bellybutton. There’s also a big presentation panel and a big autograph session and lots of big posters up all over the place. It had better be a big hit or someone’s fired. “Who is Kyle XY?” asks the tagline? Well, he probably used to be a waiter in Los Angeles where he politely turned down gay porn directors scouting new faces and handing him their business cards. His determination paid off and now he’s here signing autographs even though he’s not famous yet.

6. Look, it’s the blue chick with tentacles on her head from ‘The Fifth Element’!

Denis Poroy / AP Andrew Ebanks, left, helps his brother Adam Ebanks, center, with a Storm Trooper helmet borrowed from Dana Gasser, right, at Comic-Con..

Also Wolverine. In fact, it’s a way more butch Wolverine than Hugh Jackman’s version. He could take notes on this guy. And I know goofing on the costumed people is too easy but still I enjoy it. Lots of Stormtroopers. Apparently the Stormtroopers are an organized gang now. They do charity work. No, I’m not kidding. They’re the equivalent of small town gay bar drag queens organizing themselves into Imperial Courts and doing hospice fund-raisers. My favorite costumes though, after the Recycling Clown of course, are the girl who’s walking around as a metal-headed monster from “Silent Hill” and the guy in the green bodysuit and pink diaper. I don’t know who he’s supposed to be. But he’s being it.

7. ‘Star Wars’ fans are always upset about something

Denis Poroy / AP Kelly Yarwood, dressed as Princess Leia from "Star Wars," takes photographs during the Comic-Con International Masquerade Ball costume contest.

In order to get a good seat for the “Snakes on a Plane” revival meeting, aka the New Line Cinema presentation, I have to sit through an hour-long commercial for upcoming “Star Wars” products. That’s the boring part. The not-boring part is the Q&A. That’s when the “Star Wars” fans can vent their frustrations at the official Lucas spokesperson. Everyone’s got beef about something. And I realize at this moment that it has always been this way. “Star Wars” people use “Star Wars” as a springboard for dealing with life. So when they’re frustrated with their jobs they complain about the quality of the print transfer onto the new “Empire Strikes Back” DVD release and fight over giant promotional buttons that say “Han shoots first!”

8. Snakes. Planes.

• They decided not to screen it for critics. That’s the official word from the director as of right now.
• They decide instead to show the assembled 6,000 fans a solid 10 minutes of clip reel. That’s right, I saw 10 whole minutes of “Snakes on a Plane.” You didn’t. This makes my life better than yours at least until Aug. 18.
• Sam Jackson comes out and says the line that was the cause of reshoots. As in the fans decided they wanted to hear Sam Jackson say this in the movie. So now Sam Jackson will say it in the movie. “We got to get these mother-f-word-ing snakes off this mother-f-word-ing plane!” For this he receives a standing ovation from the crowd.
• Sam Jackson had a no-snakes-within-20-feet-of-Sam-Jackson clause in his contract. Kenan “Good Burger” Thompson, his co-star did not. “You gotta get a better agent,” says Jackson.
• Outside the exhibition hall on the vendor floor there’s a giant snake you can walk into and get handed an official “Snakes on a Plane” wings-pin from a stewardess and then get your picture taken in the snake’s huge mouth.

9.  Scott Shaw’s oddball comics
If you’ve ever eaten a bowl of Fruity Pebbles then you’ve had contact with cartoonist and comic historian Scott Shaw. He helped create the ad campaign. He also hosts a yearly panel called “Oddball Comics.” It’s really the only place you can find an in-depth discussion of weird old religious comics with titles like “The Gospel Blimp” and Superman’s most adrift era, the 1960s, where the Caped Crusader meets people like Don Rickles and Lois Lane ditches him to date Hercules.

10. The Asian ball-joint resin doll collectors group!
I have no idea what this means but it’s in the schedule. They’re meeting to discuss Asian ball-joint resin doll collecting. I’d go but I don’t have the nerve to just show up. What if they put me on the spot about my knowledge of Asian ball-joint resin dolls? I’d end up in Klingon jail. It’s across the hall.

Dave White is the author of “Exile in Guyville” and fails to mention that he spent way too much money on vintage Japanese monster toys at the Con. He can be found and hassled at www.imdavewhite.com.

MORE FROM MORE LIFESTYLES STORIES, FEATURES

Holocaust letter exhibit finds permanent home

Holocaust letter exhibit finds permanent home Manolo Blahnik heels carve a spot on Walk of Style Whew! David Blaine survives ‘Dive of Death’ Skin still Mr. Cartoon’s favorite canvas Wax Hitler returns to museum after beheading Is it still too soon for jokes about Sept. 11? Streisand among Kennedy Center honorees Is starting a comic strip over better or worse? London drops plan to bar size zero models High school or the movies? Dad makes a deal   Add More Lifestyles stories, features headlines to your news reader: