Where there’s a Will, there’s a payday

Rumor has it that Will Ferrell’s “Talladega Nights” was approved for production without a script. The 30-second pitch might have gone something like Buck Henry pitching “The Graduate 2” at the beginning of “The Player”:

“Will plays a dumb-as-a-stump race car driver named Ricky Bobby.”

Factor Ferrell’s genial goofiness into any cinematic equation and there suddenly seems like a lot of potential roles out there. It doesn't hurt that he has a virtual money-back guarantee. Think of pitches for his previous films: Ferrell plays one of Santa’s elves. Ferrell plays a chauvinistic ’70s news anchor. Ferrell plays an out-of-control kids’ soccer coach.

It’s a simple formula: give Ferrell a role that has ample opportunity for outlandishness coupled with sincerity and you have a winner.

With that in mind, here are some ideas:

Pitch: Ferrell plays a female cheerleader
Title: “Sizzle”
Plot: Living an unfulfilled life as a fast food restaurant manager in Colorado Springs, 40-year-old Dicky Sims (Ferrell) decides to live out his dream. Faster than you can say “Give me an F,” he’s dressing up like an 18-year-old girl and trying out for the local high-school cheerleading squad. Dicky actually makes the team before being outed by a jealous rival and her nosey mother.

Pitch: Ferrell plays the President of the United States
Title: “Bobby Bob for President”
Plot: Through machinations far and wide, the Republican Party lands their puppet in the White House. His name is Bobby Bob Wannaker (Ferrell). Though the Republican elite try to tell him what to do, things quickly go awry when the affable Bobby decides he's nobody's fool. Bobby Bob has ideas of his own about how to be President including “Bowling for Constitutional Amendments” and filling the Supreme Court with members of his model train club. The Executive Branch will never be the same!

Pitch: Ferrell plays a rapper
Title: “Notorious Dave”
Plot: Having won a local poetry contest and impressing the county’s only African-American resident (Bill Cosby), Dave Duty (Ferrell) decides to move to Compton to make it big as a rapper.

Pitch: Ferrell plays a blind hunter
Title: “Aim High”
Plot:  James “Skeeter” Reese (Ferrell) lives alone on his ranch in rural Nebraska. Though blind, Skeeter cares for himself and is renowned in his hometown for once shooting down a quail by tracking the flapping of its wings. When the head of the NRA (Willem Dafoe) hears about the story, he invites Reese to attend the National Convention in Washington D.C. and the poor, blind, country farmer makes his first trip to the big city with unusual results.

Pitch: Ferrell plays the Godfather
Title: “Mafia Ties”
Plot: When an extensive FBI crackdown results in the conviction of every major player in the Bendonetti crime family, their consigliere (Steve Carell) must search far and wide for a relation to take over the business. He discovers Steve Nichols (Ferrell), a dentist and family man living in San Bernadino, and makes him an offer he can’t refuse.

Pitch: Ferrell plays a German Olympic ice skater
Title: “Ice Cold Lederhossen”
Plot: Slandovia becomes the newest country in the world after a small, reclusive political group in the Alps secedes from Germany. Now, the responsibilities of being their own country are raining down on them and the newly elected and overwhelmed President (Rutger Hauer) sends former athlete Otto Murshgang (Ferrell) to the Olympics to represent Slandovia. The only problem: Otto's last experience skating was 20-years ago when he dropped and killed his partner in the little town’s most notorious accident. Little does Otto know, Elsa (Jenna Elfman) is still alive and skating with his chief rival, Gunther Cruise (Ben Stiller). Otto must win gold and Elsa's heart.

Pitch: Ferrell plays a Canadian Mountie
Title: “Yukon Monty”
Plot: There's not a lot of crime in the Yukon. Hell, there just aren't a lot of people. However, that doesn't stop Monty Pierce (Ferrell) from keeping the peace — everything from breaking up the occasional intense bar discussion to removing unwanted moose droppings from the public roads. However, when a gang of international terrorists takes up residence near Monty's hometown, he must swing into action despite his overwhelming lack of experience.

Pitch: Ferrell does serious
Title: “Teddy”
Plot: A biopic of the 26th president of the United States, Theodore Roosevelt, perhaps focusing on his early days and involvement with the Rough Riders. Such a role would fit into a tradition among comedians too. Bill Murray played serious in “The Razor's Edge.” Steve Martin did it in “Shopgirl” and “The Spanish Prisoner.”

MORE FROM MOVIE OPINIONS

Gangster films take revenge on our behalf

Gangster films take revenge on our behalf Whatever happened to grown-ups on film? Is Ryan Reynolds just another Ken doll? Newsweek: Has Michael Moore jumped the shark? Newsvine: Who should play Mr. T's role in 'A-Team'? 10 must-see John Travolta performances Reel of fortune: Movies can’t leave Las Vegas ‘Lost’ in translation: 10 of the best lost lands Do you see what I twee? How precious Drown me in horror movie goo ... please   Add Movie opinions headlines to your news reader: