What if there were real ‘Super Ex-Girlfriends’?

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Vengeance with a smile
Similarly, women can ponder their own “what ifs.” What would they do as super ex girlfriends?

Perhaps he thinks you’re needy? Old girlfriend would plead her case through drunken phone calls. Super ex-girlfriend doesn’t bother with that and dumps his car in a river.

He thinks you’re controlling? Old girlfriend orders him 100 pizzas then waits outside to watch. Super ex-girlfriend skips the adolescent pranks and makes sure he wakes up hanging from the top of the Statue of Liberty.

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He thinks you’re jealous? Old girlfriend crash diets then dates his best friend. Super ex-girlfriend cuts to the chase — wears leather, has shark eat new girlfriend. For some reason, however wrong, sick and disturbing, the cartoon scale of Jenny Johnson’s vengeance is empowering. No mess, no fuss. No gun racks.

True, most ex-girlfriends would never wish destruction or any real harm upon someone who wronged them. But “My Super Ex-Girlfriend” does provide some long-due justice for anyone who has ever been cast as the Lara Flynn Boyle to someone else’s Tia Carrere. Sure, there’s a thin line between moral avenger and crazy stalker but, at the movies, it’s cathartic to let it get a little blurry. As for the gentlemen: Let “My Super-Ex Girlfriend” be a warning to you. Even if she doesn’t have super powers, she may have your pin number, and that’s plenty scary in and of itself.

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