Disease taboos can stifle satisfaction

Arousal has a great deal to do with how sexy and attractive we feel, as well as our emotional state. While it might be physically possible for a person with disabilities to experience arousal and orgasm, they may be inhibited by fear of losing bladder or bowel control, or having to use a device to create an erection for intercourse, or the disconcerting image of spasmodic movement associated with a disease like Parkinson’s. Combine these fears with being depressed over one’s condition and it’s not a great recipe for sexual success.

A 45-year-old Spanish woman with ataxia named Encarna Conde recently decided to prove that disability need not prevent a person from being sexy. She appeared in a new movie called "Rompiendo Barreras," which means breaking barriers. The movie was made by one of Spain’s busiest porn producers, Antonio Marcos. 

According to Alexander, one’s sexual partner can make all the difference. Just as in any other relationship, an understanding, passionate, patient lover instills confidence and security.

Making sex better for anyone who has impaired function benefits everyone. Neurologists are discovering that studying the sexual responses of people with brain damage or spinal cord injuries is helping illuminate how arousal and orgasm occur. Indeed, people with disabilities are sexual pioneers for the rest of us because someday all of us are going to encounter one of life’s curveballs and we too may need new devices, sex positions or techniques to help us enjoy our erotic selves.

Alexander herself encountered such a curveball this year after having been treated for cervical cancer. “Who tells you how to have sex after cancer?” she asks. “Nobody.”

Yet another reason why we all should be willing to talk to doctors and therapists about sex, and why if we aren’t satisfied with the answers we should keep asking until we are.

Brian Alexander, a California-based freelance writer and contributing editor for Glamour magazine, is working on a new book about sex for Harmony, an imprint of Crown Publishing.

Sexploration appears every other Thursday.