Meanie, meanie, meanie!

As far as the 3-year-old in Q2 having remorse, it's natural that as an aunt you'd be concerned. But your nephew's parents are not incorrect per se. Their child is still a baby — at least in very important emotional ways. Developmentally abstract concepts such as empathy and remorse don't start until around kindergarten age.

What you can do right now, though, is to help your nephew build a vocabulary for emotions (you might also speak to his parents about doing this). Many children — even older kids — don’t have the words to express what they’re feeling and so they act out. Talk to your nephew and give him books — “C is for Curious: An ABC of Feelings” is one example — that teach him how to identify and express complex emotions such as disappointment, confusion or frustration.

Even if you only see your nephew once a week, you can do your part by pointing out emotions and his impact on other people.

“If children hurt another child, show them the child crying and ask them, ‘how do you think you made Suzy feel?’ Get them to see and start to think about how their actions impact other people. That’s the beginning of empathy,” says Sege.

More parenting resources For additional information on keeping kids safe and reducing violence at home and in your community, check out these links: The parenting corner of the American Academy of Pediatrics Web site has advice on a variety of issues, including aggression, biting and bullying. Safe USA in a nonprofit organization dedicated to keeping children safer and reducing violence in the home, school and community. The group's Web site lists organizations that provide information on violence prevention, media violence, domestic violence and more.

For older children any adult can help them learn how to resolve difficulties in civil ways. Elementary age children can be shown how to flip a coin, play "rock, paper, scissors" or use any number of basic tricks to decide who gets the first turn or who gets the red truck, etc. “It used to be that kids traveled in packs and played with a wide age range of neighbor kids. The older kids taught them how to resolve difficulties. That doesn’t happen so much anymore so adults need to step in and teach these things,” says Sege.

Furthermore, if parents, aunts, uncles and teachers really want to make a dent in violence or ensure that young kids don’t turn into violent teens, they’ll not only pay attention to the noisy, in-your-face children, they’ll also look for the quiet, withdrawn and inhibited kids — the ones Harvard’s Fischer found to be more likely to be violent in the long run.

“Inhibited kids don’t connect with people or make friends easily,” says Fischer. “But with these kids one peer or one adult connection can often make a huge difference.”

Victoria Clayton is a freelance writer based in California and co-author of "Fearless Pregnancy: Wisdom and Reassurance from a Doctor, a Midwife and a Mom," published by Fair Winds Press.

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