Surviving ‘stressful process’ of being black male

updated 1:03 p.m. ET July 2, 2006

NEW YORK - Keith Borders tries hard not to scare people. He’s 6-foot-7, a garrulous lawyer who talks with his hands. And he’s black.

Many people find him threatening. He works hard to prove otherwise.

“I have a very keen sense of my size and how I communicate,” says Borders of Mason, Ohio. “I end up putting my hands in my pockets or behind me. I stand with my feet closer together. With my feet spread out, it looks like I’m taking a stance. And I use a softer voice.”

Every day, African-American men consciously work to offset stereotypes about them — that they are dangerous, aggressive, angry. Some smile a lot, dress conservatively and speak with deference: “Yes, sir,” or “No, ma’am.” They are mindful of their bodies, careful not to dart into closing elevators or stand too close in grocery stores.

It’s all about surviving, and trying to thrive, in a nation where biased views of black men stubbornly hang on decades after segregation and where statistics show a yawning gap between the lives of white men and black men. Black men’s median wages are barely three-fourths those of whites; nearly 1 in 3 black men will spend time behind bars during his life; and, on average, black men die six years earlier than whites.

Sure, everyone has ways of coping with other people’s perceptions: Who acts the same at work as they do with their kids, or their high school friends?

But for black men, there’s more at stake. If they don’t carefully calculate how to handle everyday situations — in ways that usually go unnoticed — they can end up out of a job, in jail or dead.

“It’s a stressful process,” Borders says.

Melissa Harris Lacewell, a political scientist at the University of Chicago, says it's at the heart of being a black American male.

“Black mothers and fathers socialize their sons to not make waves, to not come up against the authorities, to speak even more politely not only when there are whites present but particularly if there are whites who have power,” she said.

Chess in the real world
“Most black men are able shift from a sort of relaxed, authentically black pose into a respectable black man pose. Either they develop the dexterity to move back and forth, or ultimately they flounder.”

It’s a lot like a game of chess, says 43-year-old Chester Williams, who owns Chester Electric in New Orleans. He has taught his three sons, ages 16, 14 and 11, to play.

“The rules of the game are universal: White moves first, then black moves,” he said. “Black has to respond to the moves that the whites make. You take the advantage when it’s available.”

Twenty-year-old Chauncy Medder of Brooklyn says his baggy jeans and oversized T-shirts make him seem like “another one of those thuggish black kids.” He offsets that with “Southern charm” he learned attending high school in Virginia — “a lot of ’Yes, ma’ams,’ and as little slang as possible. When I speak to them (whites), they’re like, ’Hey, you’re different.”’

Such skillful little changes in style aren’t talked about much, especially not outside of black households — there’s no reason to tip your hand. As Walter White, a black sales executive from Cincinnati puts it: “Not talking is a way to get what you want.”

Coping strategies
He recalled that, “as a child, we all sat down with my mother and father and watched the movie ’Roots,”’ the groundbreaking 1970s television miniseries tracing a black family from Africa through slavery and into modern times.

The slaves were quietly obedient around whites. “But as soon as the master was gone,” he said, “they did what they really wanted to do. That’s what we were taught.”

Historians agree that black stereotypes and coping strategies are rooted America’s history of slavery and segregation.

Jay Carrington Chunn’s mother taught him “how to read ’Whites Only’ and ’Negro Only’ before she taught me anything else,” said the 63-year-old, who grew up in Atlanta. “Black parents taught you how to react when police stopped you, how to respond to certain problems, how to act in school to get the best grade.”

School is still a challenge, even from an early age.

Last year, Yale University research on public school pre-kindergarten programs in 40 states found that blacks were expelled twice as often as whites — and nine out of 10 blacks expelled were boys. The report did not analyze the patterns, but some trace it to negative views about black boys.

MORE FROM RACE & ETHNICITY

Race & ethnicity Section Front

Bodies dug up, cut up at black cemetery   Pool accused of turning away minority kids The Grio: Politics behind Obama's Ghana visit ‘Mississippi Burning’ town gets black mayor New book spotlights black America in Obama era LAPD: No cops fired over May Day melee Race & ethnicity Section Front   Add Race & ethnicity headlines to your news reader: