Want a man to propose? Be a bitch
Relationship Principle 2
He marries the woman who won't lay down like linoleum.
This brings us to the definition of a marrying bitch — aka a strong, spirited woman who can stand up for herself. The bitch is not rude or abrasive because she's smart enough to know that being considerate is more effective. But she won't compromise herself to be in a relationship. She won't work overtime to “catch a husband.” Because of this, he doesn't classify her as a mindless woman he can take advantage of. She has a certain moxie about her. Sugar and spice ... and not always so nice — that's what his dreams are made of.
Since many “nice” women mistakenly believe that being a strong woman (aka a bitch) is a bad thing, let's explore some of the criteria of the so-called eligible woman. Then we'll find out from men what they really think about women who behave this way.
Myth 1: You Have to Be Perfect
Think about the last time you were madly in love. Chances are, the guy wasn’t a millionaire or a brain surgeon with six-pack abs who was hung like a barnyard animal on Viagra. Chances are, he didn’t get you off five times before he got his. But there was something special about him. He had a couple of features that did it for you and a certain magic that made you tingle. Men who want to fit in a relationship are looking for that same magic.
Relationship Principle 3
He doesn't marry a woman who is perfect. He marries the woman who is interesting. This is one of the biggest myths perpetuated by the media: If you are perfect, beautiful, and rich, you will get the respect and love you crave. So they say. (And now back to reality.) When a man meets a woman who seems too perfect, too sweet, or too agreeable, he tends to become bored very quickly.
Beauty pageants are a good example of how women are misled into thinking that the most important pursuits in life are beauty tips and “man catching” skills. Granted, they offer educational grants and scholarships, which is very ironic because the only men watching are the ones who like really stupid women. Intelligent men think it’s embarrassing for a woman to pose and smile like she’s always that chipper. Everybody knows the losers want to strangle the winner, and the Southern Belle who wins Miss Congeniality is dying to tell the judges: “Fuck all, y’all...you ugly summabitches.” All of them pretend to be virgins until marriage, and all are do-gooders for the poor:
Second runner-up: “I am a fifth-year junior at the local college majoring in pottery. I plan to end world hunger and find a cure for cancer. And once and for all, I intend to put an end to the global shortage of flower pots.”
First runner-up: “I plan to feed the starving, the homeless, the unemployed, and the destitute. That way all my relatives can eat.”
Queen bee: “Before I visit poverty-stricken villages in Africa, I'm fixin' to get my toes painted. Invite the press. I'm wearing my thousand-dollar Manolo Blahnik shoes!”
If you've ever noticed, beauty pageants are a lot like county fairs. The farmers show the cows the same way. They walk their prized Jersey cow across a stage in front of an audience with judges, and maybe the cow even twirls around a couple of times. Then the winning cow gets a satin ribbon draped over it, which has the title and the year on it. They even have twelve-month calendars featuring the “cow of the month.”
So let's try to apply this Barbie-like behavior to a first date to see why it goes over like a lead balloon. Picture a woman trying to be that “perfect girl.” She walks into the room like she's on a catwalk. The handbag matches the shoe button. She giggles on cue. For dinner, she orders two olives with low-cal dressing (on the side). Without realizing it, this woman has already marked herself: temporary. In his mind? “Deposit and go.” He may have sex with her, but from there on it’s a downhill slide. Why?
When she’s artificial, he becomes wary of who she really is and what her real motivations are. Usually, he figures she’s putting on a show to trap him. So it never goes to the next level. This is why some relationships never shift into second gear. By trying to be something she’s not, the woman automatically gets marked with the “insecure” stamp. “This one will need constant attention and nothing I give will ever be enough. She'll sap me of all my energy.” Before he’s spent any time with her, he is mentally on to the next.
Not only this, but when a man thinks a woman is weak or insecure, he won’t feel the need to work at the relationship. It becomes “male entertainment” at that point. The relationship becomes a sideshow. He'll kick back, crack a beer, and think, “She's trying so hard, I'll never have to break a sweat in this relationship.”
Relationship Principle 4
When a woman is trying too hard, a man will usually test to see how hard she's willing to work for it. He'll start throwing relationship Frisbees, just to see how hard she'll run and how high she'll jump.
Men are used to this. So they try to bait you into this behavior. He may tell you on a second date that he likes red toenail polish. Or that he likes a particular item of clothing. If you immediately begin to “work” to be what he wants, it lessens his respect.
To better understand, let’s take a sneak peek at a page inside the male rulebook. This is the hush-hush highly classified stuff.
A page from the male rulebook
The definition of unforgettably sexy: A woman who can function on her own and take care of herself. She won't let me always have the upper hand. And, she can tell anyone to go jump in the lake whenever she feels like it.
That's the woman he'll work harder to be with. Whenever you are too worried about someone else's approval, that person loses respect for you. When a man sees you knocking yourself out from the jump start, you are setting yourself up for a lopsided relationship, because you reinforce every guy's unspoken belief: “If you ignore her, she'll seek your validation and reassurance.” Approval then becomes his only “contribution.” When you need his approval, it blinds you and you quickly become the vulnerable one in the relationship. Adopt the philosophy of “approval neither desired nor required.”
After all, there will always be someone there to tell you that you aren’t attractive enough, perfect enough, or that you didn't come from the right side of the tracks. True confidence is born when you...
Relationship Principle 5
Don't believe what anyone tells you about yourself.
Sophia Loren said, “Beauty is how you feel inside, and it reflects in your eyes. It is not something physical.” This is what makes you gorgeous to a quality man, because now you arrive complete. And that makes him say, “Gee, I wonder, what is that special magic she’s got?”
How does this affect long-term relationships? When a man can't crack your code, or figure out where your insecurities are, you are no longer readable. That’s when he doesn't have a 100 percent hold on you, and he has to put in his 50 percent share to win you over, keep your interest, and maintain a reciprocal and viable relationship.
Excerpted from “Why Men Marry Bitches: A Woman's Guide to Winning Her Man's Heart,” by Sherry Argov. Copyright © 2006 by Sherry Argov. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced without written permission from Simon & Schuster Inc.
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