Dating tips for those single and searching

There's an estimated 100 million single people in this country. And while some of these men and women might be perfectly content with flying solo, there are others who would like to settle down, at least for a little while. Evan Marc Katz and Linda Holmes, authors of a new book, “Why You're Still Single,” examine their relationship mistakes and offer advice to fellow singles. Here's an excerpt:

You Are What You Hate
Creaky old stereotypes about men who make you crazy are a useful reminder of some of the things you can do to make them crazy as well. Don't answer your cell phone during sex. Don't bolt from commitment. Don't be aloof. You hate that guy. Don't be that guy. 

Evan
Not to lend any more credence to the faded phenomenon known as The Rules, but did it ever occur to you that the whole hubbub was nothing more than teaching women to act more like men? You ever think that the authors sat around, brainstorming the most counterintuitive ways of assisting people to find true love and came up with something like this: "Hmmm … if we want women to become objects of desire … they need to take back the power in a relationship … so why don’t we create a movement that embodies the worst characteristics of men? Yes! That’s it. Treat them as poorly as they treat us. It’ll work like a charm. Calling when expected? Out. Emailing if you’re thinking of him? Never. Acting on your feelings?  Fuhgeddaboutit." As Linda would say, repeat after me: "Two wrongs don’t make a right, especially when the two wrongs involve being self-centered and inconsiderate."

You know the stereotypes of men. "He loves his work more than he loves me." "He spends too much time with his friends." "He’s totally selfish in bed." "He’s emotionally unavailable." No one is defending this type of behavior, but as we push on into the 21st century, it’s no stretch to say that if equality between the sexes hasn’t yet been achieved, we’ve surely never been closer. With blurry gender roles, it’s no surprise that women are taking on some of the more common and less desirable male qualities. The older you get, the more of a life you build for yourself, the less you’re gonna want to give it up. It makes perfect sense. It just sucks to date you now because straight men don’t really want to date other men. Especially not the selfish ones. So cut it out. Not that full responsibility for compromise falls squarely on your shoulders, but being flexible about the little things is paramount for anyone who is part of a couple.

It’s really easy to bury yourself in excuses, but the truth is: love means sacrifice. Sometimes that means leaving work at the office because you promised him you’d watch the last Survivor of the season. Sometimes that means going out with his friends instead of insisting he come out with yours. Sometimes that means having a conversation you’d rather not have because he wants to have it. Not that full responsibility for compromise falls squarely on your shoulders, but being flexible about the little things is paramount for anyone who is part of a couple. 

The workplace archetypes that used to be divided by gender no longer apply. You’re just as likely to find a woman doctor on call, a woman with an inseparable posse of friends, or a woman who can’t wait to have the guy she slept with just go home already. This is the world that we’ve created together, in the interest of equality, and I’m all for that. But that leaves men even more confused than we were before (and we have always been, as you know, pretty damn confused), and it leaves women not just feeling like the guy in the relationship, but being the guy.

So what does that say about you? It doesn’t say that you can’t work sixty hours a week.  It doesn’t say that you can’t girls’ night out. It doesn’t say you have to call him again after you use him like a cheap sex toy. All it says is that you’re truly equal, and with that, you have to be wary of falling into the same traps that your boyfriends do.  With great power comes great responsibility. Abuse your power, and Linda and I will have no choice but to write a "Rules for Men" book, and boy, will you be sorry.

MORE FROM TODAY, WEEKEND EDITION

Today, Weekend Edition Section Front

3 recipes to ease your holiday bill Reflecting on the shock of Pearl Harbor Centenarians on lessons of Great Depression Curb the cravings of shopping addiction Can you afford a life-altering change? Behind the scenes of 'The Office' Centenarians on enlightening encounters with Edison Centenarians recall WW II medical service In-laws spoiling the holiday cheer? Bring home America's best bacon Today, Weekend Edition Section Front   Add Today, Weekend Edition headlines to your news reader: