A love like no other

My conversation with Mary and Vili Fualaau took place just a few days after their first anniversary, and the subject of the wedding still brings a glow.

Mary Fualaau: Everything that happened in that, sacred spot, where we were doing our vows. It just was kind of like slow motion, but magical. 

Vili Fualaau: The best part is—I liked was when—they announced us—husband and wife. 

The 43-year-old bride and her 21-year-old groom received a little extra joy on their special day—reportedly as much as a million dollars worth—by selling the rights to their wedding video. It’s paid their bills all year, but also led to some public skepticism about the state of this union.

Josh Mankiewicz, Dateline correspondent: You know there are people out there who, when they saw you getting married and, in fact, when they see this interview, they’re gonna say—“This is not for real. This can’t be for real.”

Mary Fualaau: I don’t think anyone would listen to this and really listen to us and then say that.

Mankiewicz: But you know that, for a lot of people, this is just so weird, that they can’t understand it.  I mean that can’t come as a surprise to either one of you.

Vili Fualaau: If they say that it’s not right for us to be together, I don’t care. I’m just gonna live my life with her, with Mary.

And for the past year, that’s just what he’s been doing in the rented waterfront home he and Mary share with their girls in a Seattle suburb. As they talk about their day to day life, they sometimes gaze at each other like teenagers.

Who gets up earlier?

Vili Fualaau: I do.

Mankiewicz: Who takes longer getting ready to go out?

Vili Fualaau: She does.

Mankiewicz: Who’s a better cook?

Vili Fualaau: I am.

Mary Fualaau: No, no, no, no.

Vili Fualaau: What?

Mary Fualaau: He likes to cook, and I let him.  (laughter)

Mankiewicz: What’s his best dish?

Mary Fualaau: He makes a pretty good adobo chicken.

Mankiewicz: Who makes the decisions?

Vili Fualaau: Both of us.

Mankiewicz: Who’s more romantic?

Vili Fualaau: I am.

Mary Fualaau: Yeah, I like that—

Vili Fualaau: Romance is like a lot of show, if you wanna show off, you wanna like make her say, “Oh, wow.”  You know?  But she kind of says, “Don’t do that.  Don’t do this.”

Mary Fualaau: I just don’t like real showy...

Vili Fualaau: But then when I don’t do it, she complains.

Mankiewicz: You understand you’re talking like every husband throughout history?

Vili Fualaau: Yeah.  Yeah.

Mankiewicz: Who hogs the covers?

Vili Fualaau: We got big covers.  I think we’re okay on that.  We’re okay.

Mary Fualaau: We’re just one body.

Vili Fualaau: But the pillows? The pillows—

Mary Fualaau: Oh yeah.

Vili Fualaau: Yeah, she likes to hog all the good ones. (crosstalk) No, you always get them first. I just wanna share. And then you ruin my sleep by taking ‘em away from me.

Mary Fualaau: That’s because you’ve taken all of them.

Mary and Vili insist they’re perfectly comfortable with their 21 and a half year age difference. Still there are a few occasions when Mary seems to act more like his mom than his wife—like when Vili cranks up the music of rapper Little John.

Vili Fualaau: She’ll listen to it.  And she says, “That’s really evil music.  Turn it off.  Turn it off.  Don’t wanna hear it.  That’s evil energy coming from that.”

Mary Fualaau: I do think it’s bad energy music.  I can hear it, it sort of just inside of you.

But a year after the wedding, and a decade after the first sparks ignited in room 39 of Shorewood elementary, Mary says the passion is still very much alive.

Mary Fualaau: Sometimes I just feel like I just wanna—I can’t believe it, and I just wanna get home and run to him and I actually get that feeling a lot. I’m pretty sentimental.

Vili is pretty sentimental too, and not afraid to show it.

Mankiewicz: You got a tattoo you can show me?

Mary Fualaau: Sure does.

Vili Fualaau: Yeah I do. Okay. It’s big. And it has her name right here. It’s a long story. It’s pretty much my story starting off from- when she went away from prison up to our marriage.

That story won’t be complete, Vili says, until he and Mary and their daughters are a full, legal family. For most of their lives, these two little girls had a teenager for a father and a prison inmate for a mother. But today, their parents say 9 year old Audrey and 7 year old Georgia are happy, active kids with two very involved parents who are eager and able to care for them full time.

Mary Fualaau: Audrey’s bubbly—a lot of energy. Very, very bright. She’s athletic. She’s got a really fun, competitive side to her.

Vili Fualaau: Georgia’s more soft spoken. I think she has a lot of dreams. You notice things about your—your children that surprises you. I don’t know what you would call it. It’s a good feeling though.

When I spoke with Vili and Mary last week, they were still on a high from seeing Georgia nail a dance performance the night before.

Vili Fualaau: I feel proud. I feel very proud.

Mary Fualaau: Oh my gosh. And just to see her up there—she was so happy. That just took over me. I just thought, “Wow.”

Mary says it felt pretty good after so many years of missing recitals, sports events, and parent teacher conferences. She says these days, the kids still bring up the subject of her prison term from time to time.

Mary Fualaau: They weren’t entirely clear on really where I was. Even though every two weeks they were there for the mother/child day. They had a very natural set-up for—particularly for younger children at the prison. So my girls, they called it—“Remember when we saw you at the painting room mommy?” “Remember when we stayed with you there?” 

If that sounds a little like a family in denial, Mary says it isn’t. She says the girls understand their mom was sent away, because at one time, being with their dad was against the rules.

Mary Fualaau: I remind them about that every time they break a rule. And have to have a time out. (laughs) So, “Remember—you know—mommy broke a rule. Mommy had to do a time out. You only have to do three minutes. But you be careful. You have to follow rules.”

During Mary’s stay behind bars, the girls were placed in the temporary custody of Vili’s mother, Soona. Vili says he didn’t like being seen as merely a big brother to his own kids.

Vili Fualaau: I always had my mother or my auntie taking over my job and they meant well, but it’s like they didn’t understand my feelings of wanting that type of privacy as a father with my children.

Mankiewicz:   And now you’ve got that.

Vili Fualaau: I’ve got that now.

Mary Fualaau: And the point is, he was ready. It’s a very serious goal to be a father in every aspect.

Some questions may still remain about Vili’s maturity. In April, he was convicted of a DUI charge. He’ll be sentenced later this month. There may be questions, too, about Mary’s history of very poor judgement. But now the state of Washington, which once viewed their relationship as a crime, is apparently sanctioning it. Mary and Vili say they expect to get permanent custody of their girls this summer, under a court supervised transition plan.

And what about Mary’s other children—four from her marriage to Steve Letourneau? Remember, they moved to Alaska with their dad shortly after Mary went to jail.

Now, they’re spending a lot of time right here in Seattle, with their mom and their new stepfather, who’s not a lot older than they are.

Mankiewicz: Your oldest is how old?

Mary Fualaau: 21.

Mankiewicz: 21.  Almost your age.

Mary Fualaau: Couple years, yeah.

Mankiewicz: Is that weird at all? 

Vili Fualaau: If I put myself in his shoes, I mean, if my mom was with somebody that was a couple years old—older than me, or—or younger than me, I’d pretty much just, that’s my mom’s business.  You know, she loves him, I love him.  You know—

Mankiewicz:  And that how Mary’s kids have reacted?

Vili Fualaau: Yes.

In fact Mary’s oldest son is currently living with the couple. Her 18-year-old daughter goes to art school in Seattle and often spends weekends with them. The younger ones, now in their early teens, visit too. None of Mary’s kids from her first marriage want their faces shown on television. Vili admits he’s not comfortable disciplining Mary’s older kids, but overall, Mary and Vili say their unconventional family gets along surprisingly well.

Mary Fualaau: It’s like such a joy to watch.  It’s my older children with our young children.  And just the way they just love each other.

Mankiewicz: You got this blended family going here.

Mary Fualaau:  Mm-hmm. (AFFIRMATIVE)

Mankiewicz: I would have to say that most people would have thought the odds were against that, going into this.

Mary Fualaau: My older children, they are natural peacemakers and there’s such compassion in them.

And will Mary and Vili be having more children together? For the first time, there’s no law against it.

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