Ratner ruins ‘X-Men: The Last Stand’

Empire magazine recently named Bryan Singer’s “X2: X-Men United” (2003) as the best comic-book flick of all time, followed by “Superman” (1978), “Batman Begins” (2005) and “Spider-Man” (2002).

No mention is made of Singer’s first “X-Men” (2000), which introduced most of the characters and the actors who would play them. This seems an oversight because the sequel is such a natural progression from the first film. What would “Godfather II” be without “The Godfather”? Singer created one flowing, coherent narrative out of two films that might not have blended so naturally.

Unfortunately, Brett Ratner’s “X-Men: The Last Stand” is more like “Godfather III.” Singer’s replacement director has made the characters so cartoonish that they’re barely recognizable. He’s more interested in cheesy plotting and over-the-top action sequences than he is in generating empathy for the people who drive the story. The grace and intelligence Singer brought to the project are missing.

Quick facts Starring: Hugh Jackman, Halle Berry, Patrick Stewart, Ian McKellen, Famke Janssen Director: Brett Ratner Run time: 1 hour, 43 minutes MPAA rating: PG-13

The drawbacks of this third “X-Men” were far from unpredictable. Long before the movie was finished, Singer’s fans were registering a fair amount of trepidation about Ratner, who directed both of Jackie Chan’s action-packed “Rush Hour” movies as well as Nicolas Cage’s “The Family Man.”

Ratner’s films are nothing like Singer’s “X-Men” double bill, which glories in the perversity of the mutant characters created by Stan Lee — especially Magneto (Ian McKellen), a Holocaust survivor who takes a pre-emptive approach to mankind’s follies, and Wolverine (Hugh Jackman), a self-healing loner whose claws pop out of his hands.

Magneto is back in the new “X-Men,” violently opposed to the government’s discovery of a cure for mutant behavior. He’s been described as Malcolm X to the Martin Luther King of Professor Charles Xavier (Patrick Stewart), who opposes the cure but is reluctant to use force. On his side are Wolverine, the weather-controlling Storm (Halle Berry) and the frustrated Rogue (Anna Paquin), who nearly kills with her touch.

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However, the mutant cure does tempt Rogue. If she takes it, she won’t be sending her boyfriends into comas anymore. While her infatuation with Wolverine may have turned into friendship, she’s still hot for Iceman (Shawn Ashmore), who can turn a pond into an ice-skating rink with his fingers. Inevitably, he has a showdown with Pyro (Aaron Stanford), who shoots flames from his hands, though it’s a surprisingly prefunctory battle.

Ratner has his hands full introducing several new characters, including the politically savvy blue-furred Beast (Kelsey Grammer), the psychic child Leech (Cameron Bright), the speedy Callisto (Dania Ramirez), the Hulk-like Juggernaut (Vinnie Jones) and the persecuted winged Angel (Ben Foster). Most of them are barely introduced before they’re forgotten.

Notable among the missing is Alan Cumming, whose delightfully geeky would-be assassin, Nightcrawler, was arguably the most interesting character in the second film. But telekinetic Jean Grey (Famke Janssen), who was presumed dead at the end of “X2,” is resurrected by her lover, Cyclops (James Marsden).

Appearing like the Lady of the Lake from the body of water which once seemed to be her permanent resting place, she isn’t very nice to her ex-lover (to put it mildly). Her mild flirtation with Wolverine, which kept them tantalizingly apart in the first two films, has turned into full-blown lust. By film’s end, she’s more tornado than human being. The transformation is depressing.

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