Hedonism: people just like us, only naked

Still, nudism was all around, and a certain erotic tension permeated the air of the entire resort. Even when the guests are dressed, provocative clothing was the norm -- at breakfast, lunch and dinner. And each night was a theme night: Toga Night, Pimp-and-Ho Night, Pajama Night and so forth.

The food was exactly as the Hedonism brochure describes: wonderful, plentiful and varied. I recommend the jerk-chicken shack on the boardwalk overlooking the sea. The entertainment was excellent and the staff ensured everyone was having fun whether they were smacking a volleyball, soaking in the 50-person nude hot tub, swooshing down the Lucite water slide that snakes its way through the disco (yes, you read that right) or just relaxing in one of the many hammocks swaying in the Jamaican breeze.

It was certainly not your typical Caribbean week. We met plenty of people, including all the members of the band Hoobastank, which was pretty cool as they put on an impromptu concert for a few hundred guests. There were bikers and lawyers, accountants and pharmacists, secretaries and electricians -- people from all walks of life. All pretenses had been left at home, and no one looked at you any differently for anything you did or did not do, wore or did not wear. At Hedonism, it seems that your cares and worries float farther away than at any other resort. I can’t put my finger on just why, but they do.

Sneak attack by the Nude Side
Make no mistake, if you are offended by nudity, this ain’t the place for you. Personally, I am not offended -- nor am I a practitioner -- and I had a fantastic time at Hedonism. But beware: Some vacation suppliers offer “surprise packages” that do not reveal the name of your resort until you are in Jamaica. If the very idea of nudity offends you, do not select this option. You can usually opt out of getting one of “those” resorts.

My most memorable moments? Two come to mind.

• Every afternoon, the Nude Side invades the Prude Side in a sneak attack that is something like a Chinese fire drill. They run over, climb the four-story Lucite water slide, zip down, splash into the Prude Pool and disappear just as fast back to the Nude Side. It is quite a sight to behold.
• The second “can’t forget” moment was at the clothing-optional pool. I was lying on my chaise, in my bathing suit, reading Bill Clinton’s memoir when I heard a voice ask, “Is that book any good?” I lowered the book and came face to -- well, you can use your imagination -- with a naked man standing at the foot of my chaise. My girlfriend was in hysterics just waiting to see how I would handle that hairy situation.

When we left, the feeling of rejuvenation was greater than either of us had ever experienced on a trip before. Again, I can’t put my finger on it, but there is something, well -- freeing about these resorts. So, if you are a bit of an adventurer and can laugh at yourself and others around you, Hedo might be the place for you.

Our week ended all too soon and I was back on a US Airways flight to Baltimore. Knowing that real life was just around the corner, I was savoring the memories. I was half reading the final chapters of Bill’s memoir when the flight attendant asked me, “Is that book any good?” I’d learned my lesson. This time, I kept my nose buried and uttered a muffled “Yeah, not bad.”

Off-season rates at Hedonism (not including air transportation) begin at $2,100 per couple for a week. The price includes all meals, activities and alcohol. I recommend the Dirty Banana.

Tripso wants to take you on a cruise for a cause! See how far New Orleans and Cozumel have come since Katrina and Wilma. Join us October 26, 2006 for four nights on Carnival’s Fantasy, one of the vessels that Carnival offered for hurricane relief. Chat with your favorite Tripso columnist and contribute to a worthy Gulf Coast relief organization. Space is very limited. For more information, e-mail us or check in on our special Cruise Forum. More details to come.

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