What a long, strange ‘Idol’ season it’s been

As the final 24 quickly turned into the top 12, Paula Abdul seemingly went insane. During one results show, when asked by Ryan Seacrest why two contestants had received the lowest number of votes, and Paula said, “Simon said because one of them ate pizza and the other ate salad.” Later that night, she babbled and slurred something about “a fortune cookie and says the moth who finds the melon finds the corn flake always finds the melon and one of you didn’t pick the right fortune.”

Later, in interviews, she blamed Simon Cowell for her crazy comments, but soon, Ryan Seacrest was basically accusing her of being drunk, frequently commenting during the performance shows about the possible intoxication of one of the judges. “For sure, someone at that table has a flask, I know it,” he once said. Pretty soon, the feud between the two erupted, and there were rumors that they were no longer speaking to one another, which they addressed both on and off the air.

Paula Abdul’s alleged relationship with Corey Clark resurfaced indirectly when, during a performance, Ace Young pulled open his shirt to show a scar on his chest. Paula asked about it while critiquing his performance, and said, “One day you’ll have to explain to me how you got that one.” Randy and Simon immediately freaked out; Randy shouted, “Oh, listen! Paula! Oh, no no no! Control yourself!”

She pulled herself together then, but weeks later broke down after Elliott performed, literally bawling as she told him, “But you are this handsome, evolved performer that is — you are an American idol, you are. You have a beautiful, beautiful voice.”

During all of this, FOX signed her for three more years of the show, which is not surprising, because she’s a lot more entertaining than Bucky Covington ever was.

Simon vs. Ryan, round eight million
Ryan Seacrest didn’t just do battle with Paula; he and Simon also traded barbs, as they’ve done in the past. Simon Cowell referred to photographs of Ryan making out with “Desperate Housewives” star Teri Hatcher and basically accused him of faking the relationship. “Lose the beard,” Simon said, live on the air.

Meanwhile, the top 12 contestants were generating controversy of their own. Mandisa, who earlier made up with Simon after he made fun of her weight, was the fourth finalist to go home. Once she left, she confirmed reports that she was affiliated with an anti-gay organization; she even told one publication that she wouldn’t perform for her gay fans: “Based on what I believe, I’m not an advocate for [being gay], so it’s nothing I would take part in.”

In early April, news broke that Bucky Covington — who was next to go after Mandisa — was once arrested for switching places with his twin to try to fool police. It didn’t work.

A few weeks ago, the unthinkable happened: the arrogant, unapologetic Simon Cowell actually apologized. He admitted that he was wrong, that he was fallible, and that he was human. “I think I was unfair to one person last night. And I want to apologize, because I don’t think this person got the right appraisal. And that person is Katharine,” he said, and the Earth, surprisingly, kept spinning.

Last week, it was Katharine who was apologizing, after a button popped off her dress during her performance the week before. Obviously frightened that she’d lose the vote of people who’ve never seen underwear before, she said, “I hope I didn’t offend anybody.”

If there’s anyone left who hasn’t been offended by something that’s happened on “American Idol 5,” don't worry. There are still two more weeks to go, and that’s plenty of time for at least a few more scandals and a handful of crazy Paula moments. Without them, it wouldn’t be “American Idol.”

Andy Dehnart is a writer and teacher who publishes reality blurred, a daily summary of reality TV news.

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