What a long, strange ‘Idol’ season it’s been

Let’s be honest: Thirty million people do not tune in every week to “American Idol” to watch what typically amounts to bad karaoke. Oh, sure, there are occasional awe-inspiring performances, but week to week, the singing really isn’t the real draw of the most popular television show in the history of the known universe.

Because “American Idol” is more than a mere talent show. It’s not quite a docusoap, the subgenre of reality TV that includes shows such as “Laguna Beach,” but “Idol” is full of unpredictable drama.

This season has been no exception. While there has been no Corey Clark-like scandal, the craziness of the contestants, the contentious relationship between host Ryan Seacrest and the judges, and Paula Abdul’s unpredictable behavior have all provided more than enough insanity to keep the audience amused.

The fifth season debuted by breaking records for FOX, drawing 35.5 million viewers, the most ever for the network. The audition rounds were mostly a freak show parade of attention-hungry, tone-deaf people, most of whom were slapped down by the judges. Simon Cowell was particularly harsh this season, particularly with fat people and effeminate males, whom he regularly ripped. Still, no one splashed him with a cup of water, as one contestant did during the second season.

A day after the show debuted, the first scandal erupted, when the media reported on the criminal histories of two contestants who made it to the Hollywood round. (FOX’s background checkers appear to be slightly less competent than the people in charge of keeping Paula Abdul away from the laughing gas.)

Twins Terrell and Derrell Brittenum, who hadn’t yet appeared on screen, had been charged with forgery and other crimes, and the media reported that Terrell was already in jail. They were later “uninvited” from the show, but not before a few weeks of drama from the twins, culminating when Derrell quit the show and then backtracked on his decision.

After advancing during the Hollywood round, he lectured the judges, mistakenly thinking his brother had been eliminated. He was soon corrected by his annoyed sibling, and told the judges, “I’m begging for your forgiveness.” The judges let him come back to join the top 48, clearly because the twins made good TV and could sing, but we never saw them again thanks to the dis-invitation.

‘Brokeback Mountain’ to Chicken Little
That Hollywood-round episode was also when “Idol” jumped on the “Brokeback Mountain” train, parodying the film using footage of the show’s three cowboys, including diminutive Garet Layne Johnson, who was one of the audition round stand-outs. Defamer summed up his appeal by calling him “a tiny Wyoming cowboy who managed to inspire and/or creep all of us out a bit.” His personality wasn’t able to mask his inability to sing, however, so along with the Brittenums, he disappeared into Hollywood round history.

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That same night, “American Idol” trounced the Olympics, pulling more than 10 million viewers than the winter athletic competition did, a new record. Apparently, wondering what Paula Abdul or Simon Cowell will say next is much more interesting than wondering what Bob Costas will say next.

Once audience voting started, we were introduced to Randy Jackson’s “Dawg Pound,” a section of the audience where the male semi-finalists sat, ready to whoop at Jackson’s command.

During those early rounds, one standout was Chris Daughtry, who, unlike another front-runner then, Ace Young, is still around. Chris performed “Hemorrhage” by Fuel and so impressed the band that they offered him a job as their lead singer, although he later temporarily earned the ire of some viewers for not acknowledging that he borrowed “Live”’s arrangement of a Johnny Cash song.

Soon we were down to the top 12, including Kevin Covais, whose apparent resemblance to the animated CGI version of Chicken Little earned him a nickname and a following, even if that following mostly came from nursing homes. “That [performance] would appeal to anyone over the age of 90 who was hard of hearing,” Simon once told him. The top 12 did not include Brenna Gethers, however; the semi-finalist had drawn attention by talking back to the judges and asking America to support her, but voters apparently like their contestants to be humble, so she went home.

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