Stupid girls? Don't forget the stupid boys

Pink’s warning that Hollywood stupidity is slowly infecting America’s young women may be on target — but what about the hearts and minds of America’s young men?  What of the boys coming of age with only Ashton Kutcher as their guide?  Make no mistake: Himbos are as prolific as they are beautiful, and they control the entertainment industry, jutting out their cleft chins and beaming veneered smiles at nightly networking events, ensuring that their stupid ideas will continue to be beamed into our living rooms for years to come.  I’m willing to bet that somewhere, right now, a team of himbos is creating a Broadway musical loosely based on events in the movie “Dude, Where’s My Car.”

Why did Pink pick on stupid girls when no one says boo to the stupid boys?  There are a few reasons. For one: compared to their female counterparts, it’s easy for celebrity himbos to escape detection.  Stupid boys don’t shop at the same stores or carry the same accessories. (You may take this as a sign of intelligence, but it isn't, really, because then they can't identify one another, and they wander, forever lost and feeling very alone.) They don’t have the pack mentality of their female counterparts, which in the end, results in fewer magazine covers, fewer drinks thrown in faces, and fewer rows over the love of Aaron Carter. (Himbos may be stupid, but they aren’t dumb.)

Himbos are also masters of disguise. When assessing a himbo it becomes difficult, even for the trained observer, to splice “lovably goofy” from “totally empty inside.”  If pressed to list some male counterparts for Pink’s stupid girls, off the top of my head I come up with: Mark Wahlberg, Matthew McConaughey, “American Idol’s” Ace Young, Patrick Swayze (because that guy can dance), and that guy with the puppy in the Brawny paper towel ads (who, admittedly, might just be sensitive).

Dumb sells
Your list may be very different.  It may include Mark Wahlberg’s brother Donny or  Tony Danza — two men I’ve always considered to be of substance. If this were a Venn diagram, our center circle would remain empty. Everyone’s list of himbos is deeply personal, and revealing it could generate considerable controversy, even between friends. Until there is a greater cultural consensus, pinning down and definitively labeling a stupid boy will remain like trying to catch a moonbeam in your hand.

There is another, quite obvious, reason why the stupid boys get something of a free pass:  In attractive women, stupidity is incredibly marketable. Show me a bleached head of hair, a doe-eyed expression and a personality dominated by a childish sort of benevolent idiocy, and I will probably give you five bucks on the spot. Almost as a reflex. Call it social injustice, but this doesn’t go both ways.

In men, being an empty vessel is perceived as more of a handicap, if not outright pitiful. And Pink is a smart woman. She knows it’s far less profitable to rip on stupid boys, because stupid girls are where the money’s at. After all, Fabio segued his bodice-ripper persona into a lucrative “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter” contract, but that was the end of the road.  I seriously doubt anyone offered him the role of Daisy Duke. 

Pink has prompted some discussion and sold some albums off the backs of stupid girls. Now, for equality’s sake, won’t someone please sing the ballad of the himbo? 

Paige Ferrari is a freelance writer in New York City. She blogs at make-you-hmmm.blogspot.com.

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