‘Idol’ contestants drown in sea of sap

Here's the thing with love songs … they're usually played for a purpose that goes beyond wanting to hear pretty voices. If someone is willing to spend an hour listening to the likes of Whitney Houston or Bryan Adams, there's usually an ulterior motive involved, such as seduction, or at least a chance to slow-dance with that hot classmate or co-worker.   Otherwise, they're the kind of melodies that usually signal the need for a drink break or a quick smoke, not riveting television.

Therefore, it's no surprise that Tuesday's "American Idol" was the blandest night of vocals this season, since the theme centered around the music-that-plays-during-the-romantic-scenes-in-movies genre. None of the six remaining finalists were great, and none except for Kellie Pickler was atrociously bad, but the only interesting parts were watching Simon Cowell snap at host Ryan Seacrest for cutting him off mid-diatribe, and trying to guess if special guest and music producer David Foster was closer to having migraine or a stroke watching some of the six rehearse.

Guest music coach Andrea Bocelli just sat back, relaxed and sang some vocals that none of the contestants could possibly match on their best day. For everyone else, the best part of the night was that it eventually ended.

Katharine McPhee, 21, Los Angeles: Give McPhee credit for trying. The judges have never, ever liked any contestant's version of Whitney Houston's "I Have Nothing," but McPhee went for the home run anyway and managed a pop-up to center field. Her mannerisms have gotten much better, but she couldn't match Houston's power or range, particularly at the beginning of the song. However, figure skater Sasha Cohen was clapping in the audience, which raises the possibility of a potential Fox sitcom next year with the tiny skater and the taller singer. Simon could star as the wacky neighbor.
Grade: B
The judges: "By choosing that song, it's like coming out here and saying 'I am as good as Whitney Houston.' And you're not." – Simon Cowell.
Stay or go:  McPhee sang in the "American Idol" Spot of Doom, which means she's in trouble. Singing first is usually a recipe for disaster, which means she may be very nervous at about 9:25 ET on Wednesday.

Elliott Yamin, 27, Richmond, Va.: If the judges got to pick the "American Idol" winner, Yamin would be such a prohibitive favorite that the overseas casinos wouldn't even let people bet on it. All three judges went crazy over his rendition of Donny Hathaway's "A Song For You," with Paula Abdul moved to both tears and incoherence. Foster, despite looking at first like Yamin was giving him a migraine, also acknowledged that "he really, really sings well." But that and five bucks will get him a large latte at Starbucks if his singing didn't excite the voters.

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Grade: A
The judges: "Seven weeks ago I said you were one of the best male vocalists we've ever had on 'Idol.' Tonight, in parts, it was like a master class. It was superb."– Simon Cowell
Stay or go: Yamin was strong, but he's in danger every week because the voters don't seem to give him any margin for error at all.

Kellie Pickler, 19, Albemarle, N.C.: It's like Pickler is testing the voters to see how much she can get away with and still stay on the show. Last week was her worst performance of the season, and this week's wasn't any better. Her version of Leann Rimes' version of the Righteous Brothers' "Unchained Melody" was three minutes of pure tedium. The best thing about the night for her was that she got saved by the bell from the full brunt of Simon's comments — the theme music signaled the need for a commercial break while he was still trying to think of harsh metaphors. Perhaps the problem is that, as she told Ryan, she "[doesn't] have anyone to play pottery with," like Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore did in "Ghost."
Grade: D
The judges: "I don't see you raising the bar each week. At this point, it's about greatness, and I didn't get that from you tonight." – Paula Abdul.
Stay or go: Based on this week alone, she should be heading home. Based on what the viewers have thought of her so far this season, she isn't going anywhere.

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