Tricks to succeeding as the ‘chick-in-charge’

If you determine that you do, in fact, lack certain skills then tackle the deficiencies head-on:  Take a class, read a manual, and/or get some training (there are weekend seminars on almost everything these days from management to marketing) so that you will no longer feel like a dope when you are talking to your staff about their areas of expertise.  Keep all of this training to yourself.  The last thing you want is for your staff to make your remedial training the subject of water-cooler gossip. One woman we interviewed wrote us to say if you are insecure “keep it #$%@ to yourself! You are a leader but that doesn’t come with the title. You have to earn the respect of your staff and if you behave like a child they will not respect you.” 

Your insecurity can also impair the growth of your team. You might start avoiding tough assignments because you don’t feel capable of leading your people through them. Or alienating your staff with unintentional hostility. When we asked Liza, a former editor of a women’s magazine, about this bad boss behavior, she laughed and told us, “OK. I did this. Totally. With the woman who had been hired the same week as me. It was extraordinary how she managed to massage every insecurity of mine, especially considering how underwhelmed I was by her skills and performance. I was always looking for her approval — I don't know why. Even worse, because we were in this weird position where technically she reported to me but we were hired the same week and never got a chance to establish the pecking order, I tried to be her friend to overcompensate for my discomfort. I mean, I probably would've tried to be her friend anyway, but the situation was, like, the perfect storm that brought my managerial foibles to the surface.”

Bad Boss Behavior Two: Not Leading by Example
This is the one where the standards you set for yourself are radically different from the standards you have for your employees. Admitting this behavior takes brutal self-honesty. Do you often leave early, but expect your staff to stay late? Do you take long lunches, personal calls, and spend a chunk of the Monday morning meeting talking about your weekend, but reprimand your employees if they do the same?  We had a boss who unloaded all of her work on her underlings, took off every summer Friday regardless of how busy it was, and worst of all, “asked” her assistants to baby-sit her kids during their personal time.

None of that is cool.  Being the boss doesn’t mean that you’re now entitled to lead a cushy life.  On the contrary, you should be the hardest worker in the office.  If, for example, your staff sees that you are the first to arrive, last to leave, and that you rarely go out for lunch, then it’s tough for them to find excuses not to work hard themselves.  To gain the respect of those that work for you, it’s essential that you lead by example, inspiring your staff to mimic your very own professional behavior. Act as you would like your best employee to act. Jump in to help, don’t talk about others behind their back, be honest, work hard, respect others and most of all … enjoy the job.

Remember that you are the epicenter of the team, so your behavior, attitude, style, manner, sense of self, and ambition influences everyone around you. So elevate the expectations you have for yourself and with your capable and enthusiastic attitude inspire those that report to you.

Excerpted from "The Girl's Guide to Being a Boss (Without Being a Bitch)." Copyright 2006 by Caitlin Friedman and Kimberly Yorio. All rights reserved. Re-printed by permission of Morgan Road Books.

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