Mom finds her teen’s secret life on MySpace

You need to decide whether to alert her friends’ parents to the party scene, which will most likely upset and mortify your daughter. I suggest asking yourself how you would like to be treated if the shoe were on the other foot and her friend’s mother found out about your daughter’s attendance at a party before you did. Would you like to be informed? If so, then consider phoning the parents and briefly alerting them to the possibility of such activity.

If your daughter seems indignant that you’ve viewed her MySpace site without her permission, explain to her that she shouldn’t even have developed one without your knowledge and permission. Don’t take the bait and start to blame yourself — she’s the one who has misbehaved and must be held accountable for her actions.

Now for some thoughts on a related topic: safety issues concerning Internet sites such as MySpace or other journal/blog areas. Most likely your daughter has unwittingly released personal information on her site that is inappropriate for strangers to know. She may have given out her address, phone number, or other data that would make it easy for a child predator to use to identify her. Even though she may have done so in naiveté, it is imperative that you impress upon her how dangerous such a site can be. There are some enhanced security measures that kids can use when employing such a site, but hackers can easily bypass these defenses and establish teens’ true identities.

Before you continue to let her keep her MySpace account, review the site with her in detail, set up as many security measures as possible, and let her know that you’ll be reviewing it periodically for safety reasons. If you feel uncomfortable with the entire idea, have her delete the site and set up appropriate parental guardian measures on your computer that would not allow her to reestablish another account. Talk with your daughter and try to let her know how dangerous various Internet activities can be. Suggest other ways to communicate with friends that are more secure and safe.

Dr. Peters is a clinical psychologist and regular contributor to “Today.” For more information you can visit her Web site at www.ruthpeters.com. Copyright ©2006 by Ruth A. Peters, Ph.D. All rights reserved.

PLEASE NOTE: The information in this column should not be construed as providing specific psychological or medical advice, but rather to offer readers information to better understand the lives and health of themselves and their children. It is not intended to provide an alternative to professional treatment or to replace the services of a physician, psychiatrist or psychotherapist.

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