Tune out ‘Larry the Cable Guy’

REVIEW

By Christy Lemire

updated 7:43 p.m. ET March 24, 2006

Protracted flatulence jokes, graphic poop gags, exposed butt cracks and group projectile vomiting.

Is it any wonder “Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector” wasn’t shown to critics before opening day?

The same people who double over laughing at such sophomoric humor don’t read reviews — and anyway, in a movie like this, we all know what to expect so there’s really no point in offering any insight.

Quick facts Starring: Larry the Cable Guy, Joe Pantoliano, Joanna Cassidy, Iris Bahr, Megyn Price Director: Trent Cooper Run time: 1 hour, 29 minutes MPAA rating: PG-13

What is surprising and worth noting, though, is the quality of talent that’s sadly squandered in comedian Larry the Cable Guy’s feature film debut.

Joe Pantoliano plays a shady mayor who’s so breast-obsessed that he’s installed a peephole in his office to spy on his top-heavy secretary.

Tony Hale (Buster Bluth from “Arrested Development”), one of Larry’s co-workers, sits in a wheelchair and has beer spilled on him.

David Koechner (“Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy”) plays the “semi-retarded neighbor,” as Larry so lovingly calls him, who likes to bounce a ball against his head.

And Kid Rock shows up, as himself, only to offer beer and a fishing rod to Larry in a dream sequence.

Then, of course, there is Larry himself (real name: Dan Whitney) who has turned himself into a sort of redneck superstar through radio appearances and standup comedy concerts. The Nebraska native has proven himself a likable everyman — more self-deprecating and less shrill than Jeff Foxworthy — who has tapped into an oft-scorned segment of society with his cut-off flannel shirts, his beer gut and his dip cup.

Those expecting a Larry-the-Cable-Guy show in film form, sort of like the “Blue Collar Comedy Tour” documentary from a few years back, will be disappointed. Director Trent Cooper and writers Jonathan Bernstein and James Greer actually try to shoehorn Larry into a lame plot in which he functions as an inept health inspector.

Teamed up with an austere young woman named Butlin (Iris Bahr), Larry must get to the bottom of a food poisoning outbreak at the city’s fanciest restaurants. And we do mean bottom. “Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector” has a severe anal fixation, the sights and sounds of which are graphically ghastly. Worse yet, none of it is the slightest bit funny.

But Larry finds time for love with pretty waitress Jane (Megyn Price), who inexplicably gives him her phone number, then invites him into her home after their first big date. There he meets Jane’s heavyset, muumuu-clad, insult-spewing mother. Naturally, they get along famously — “I love sassy fat chicks!” Larry drawls — and crack open a couple cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon.

Jane’s mom, by the way, is played by Lisa Lampanelli — yet another comic on the cast list who’s capable and deserving of so much better.

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