• March 30, 2006 |9:30 a.m. PT

Ramona Quimby forever

I think the recent spate of celebrity deaths has put me on edge. The other day, I spotted this Newsweek headline, the vague "Beverly Cleary, Age 90" and felt my heart jump. Naturally, I thought it was an obituary for the wonderful children's author, but a quick scan of the story proved it's far from it. Cleary is not only not dead, but she's approaching her 90th birthday (April 12) with aplomb.

To honor her big birthday, many of her most popular books, including the Ramona Quimby series, are being re-released, and there's also word of a Ramona movie in 2007. As someone who grew up loving the Ramona books, I'm excited they'll be more available, but am not so sure about the movie part. Too many of my favorite characters and plots have lost something in the transition to the big screen — Harry Potter being one of the exceptions. I'd hate to see Ramona lose her spark, her mischievous charm. I don't know if there's a young actress out there who can do her justice, to be honest. Apparently there was already a "Ramona" TV series in 1988, starring the wonderful Sarah Polley, but I missed it.

Ramona was one of the few children's characters who wasn't perfect. She got into trouble, she was jealous of other kids, she disobeyed. Her parents faced financial troubles -- another rare theme for a kids' book, though certainly not a rare theme in the lives of kids who read them. Ramona saw that the world wasn't always fair, and her innate sense of justice ate at her until she did something about it. When snotty Susan copied the owl Ramona worked so hard on, of course Susan's was the one the teacher spotted first and displayed proudly to the class. Who could blame Ramona for wrecking Susan's owl? I would have wanted to do the same thing!

In a later book, Ramona learned, as kids do, about the health effects of smoking and became determined to coax her father to quit. She made a "NO SMOKING" sign, but in true Ramona fashion, didn't plan ahead and ran out of room. Her sign read "NOSMO KING," and her father's teasing didn't help matters. I always think of her when I see "NO SMOKING" signs, and also when I write a capital letter "Q," which Ramona learned to write with a curly kitty tail.

The relationship between Ramona and her kindly, if bossy, big sister Beezus, (Beatrice) is one of the classic big sister-little sister setups in fiction. Beezus shows up in other Cleary books, too, as a friend of Henry Huggins and his dog, Ribsy. In a park in Portland, Oregon, where Cleary grew up, there are statues of Ramona, Henry and Ribsy. I'll never live down the memory of one Oregon trip where I dragged three friends on a late-night walk from our hotel to the statues. On the way, the Oregon sky opened up and started pouring — not your typical Pacific Northwest gentle rain, but a drenching, gulping storm that soaked us to the skin and made it hard to see more than a couple of feet in front of your face. We did get to see the statues, but afterwards, we had to hide in a shop doorway and call a cab for the 20-block walk back to the hotel. I'll surely be teased about it forever. Ramona would sympathize.

• March 28, 2006 | 9 a.m. PT

Inventions range from creative to kooky

I caught the second episode of "American Inventor" (show airs Thursdays, 9 p.m. ET, ABC) this weekend. This reality show sets itself up very much like "American Idol," and fittingly enough, "Idol" judge Simon Cowell is involved, though not onscreen. As in the early rounds of "Idol," wannabes crowd the auditions hoping for their one big break, only these folks are toting inventions, not stellar voices.

The show is kind of fun, though the judges are so mousy and dull they make me long for the craziness of Paula Abdul and the snarkiness of Cowell. But it's the inventions, naturally, that make or break the show. And on the episode I saw, so many of them were just ... awful. As anyone goes through life, you see needs for products and services that just don't exist. We've probably all mentally invented ingenious products, but very few of us have proceeded to turn those ideas into actual for-sale items. The folks on "American Inventor" have prototypes, and some have risked their life savings to try and bring them to market. In some cases, that was their worst idea yet.

Here's my run-down on some of the products I saw on this most recent episode, along with the reality check. I don't mention all of the products, just the ones that really stuck in my mind. And can I just say that ABC's site for the show could really use a weekly rundown of what was presented?

• Lingerie bow: One woman walked in front of the judges and dropped a wrap to reveal that she was clad only in a giant red bow tied across her breasts. A few well-placed tugs on the knot, and the "lingerie" fell to the floor. The idea being, I guess, that the woman could present herself to her partner as a gift to be unwrapped. No word on whether the same product was available for men. The product seemed kind of silly to me (the concept is novel once, I guess, unless you switch partners often), but Mary Lou Quinlan, the lone female judge on the panel ,jumped up shrieking and was horrified, even going so far as to get her own coat to wrap the now-naked woman in.)

• Flatulence odor stopper: OK, heh. While it's not a useless product (I ride a public bus almost every day, if you get my drift), there's no way a nationally televised show is going to pick this product as its winner. That guy was doomed before he even stepped in to present his invention. I am, however, thankful that he didn't give a full demonstration.

• My Therapy Buddy: So it's an unattractive doll that says "Everything will be all right" in a creepy voice? The inventor kept insisting that the judges didn't "get it," but neither did I. I think such a doll might cause me to seek more therapy.

• Bulletball: A complex table was set up, and the inventor and a judge played a quick round, in which they seemed to just be smashing a ball around with their hands. Small walls mostly kept the ball on the table, but it occasionally snuck out a gap, which appeared to score a point. The kind of game you invent when you're eight years old and you lose both ping pong paddles, and own no other board games without missing pieces. But the inventor himself was the real story: He'd apparently sold everything he had, quit his job, and was living in his car, all in the hopes of becoming the next Milton Bradley or James Naismith or something. His game didn't appeal to me, but his blind faith in it

• Wig and helmet liner: A woman whose condition had resulted in her losing all of her hair offered up a liner for wigs or athletic helmets that wicked the sweat away from a person's head. Seems definitely useful within its market (cancer patients, biking kids, etc), but again, didn't strike me as the kind of marquee product this show wants to be about. But due to an impassioned plea from judge Mary Lou Quinlan, who pretty much told her fellow judges that they were spitting in the face of all cancer patients unless they supported the product, it made it through.

• Naya, doll that speaks Spanish and Swahili: Haven't talking dolls been around for decades now? I guess making her speak Spanish and Swahili is putting a politically correct spin on things, but is there much call for Swahili-speaking dolls? This seemed like one of those products where you pick one thing from column A (dolls!) and add one from column B (Swahili!) and just force them together. The inventors were incredibly enthusiastic and seemed to have dreams for an entire Naya empire (an animated show! books!), and I think their infectious excitement got them past the judges.

• Invisible tear gas: The most deadly serious invention came from a deadly serious and adorably cute kid. The best part of his story was when he detailed trying his product out on his classmates and getting in trouble. Yeah, we bet you did. Is the invisibility of tear gas really an issue? By the time you throw in the tear gas, don't you kind of want people to know it's coming? I'm sure there are times when you don't, and the Department of Defense should sign this kid up now, but he wasn't right for the show. Still, it would have been funny to see him try his product out on the judges, and perhaps one or two of the more obnoxious inventors.

• Restroom door clip: The most talked-about invention of the show was the simplest. Frustrated with broken restroom doors that don't lock, a woman invented a tiny plastic clip that could be carried in a purse and attached to hold a restroom stall door closed. The inventor claimed 30% of restroom doors don't close, while judge Mary Lou Quinlan claimed the number was much higher. I don't know what kind of restrooms they're going to, but that's a highly exaggerated figure, in my experience. Still, I thought it was useful, but can't imagine making room in my already-crowded purse to carry this around just in case a restroom door is broken.

• March 27, 2006 | 6 a.m. PT

Multi-link Monday: ‘American Idol’ Barbie

Start your week off with our random linkage, and remember, you too can send in a fun link to be considered.

• Not sure what's funnier, the fact that there are more than one "American Idol" Barbies, or the fact that there's also a dressing room/stage and a recording studio.

• No matter how poor you may feel, if you have a computer and Internet access, you're almost certainly better off than most of the world. Enter your salary into Global Rich List and it'll narrow down just exactly how many folks are worse off than you are. Warning: Prepare to feel guilty.

• I've learned that people who like the TV series "Firefly" and its movie version, "Serenity," really, really like them. Those folks might be interested in Propstore. The site sells props and costumes from various movies, but it seems to tilt towards sci-fi and "Serenity" in particular. If you'd love to own Zoe's knife or one of Wash's toy dinosaurs, you've come to the right place.

• I like to throw in a neat little time-waster game every couple weeks. This falling sand game is fun, addictive, and a little bit calming, which we all need on a Monday.

• Reader-submitted link. Says Julie: "I found this site thanks to a friend at work and almost died laughing watching this Mr. T rap video especially since he is wearing short camouflage shorts....so wrong. I can't believe I didn't know this existed back in the 80s." Me either, and how funny are T's backup singers, apparently all '80s moms themselves? I also howled at the oh-so-familar Izod shirts on the men.

Last week's Test Pattern