Kids out of control? Time to be a dictator!

Dr. Ruth Peters TODAY contributor • Profile • E-mail

Today in "Parenting Weekends" we continue a series of excerpts from “Laying Down the Law: The 25 Laws of Parenting to Keep Your Kids on Track, Out of Trouble, and (Pretty Much) Under Control,” the most recent book by “Today” show contributor Dr. Ruth Peters.

Law #4:
Appoint Yourself Benevolent Dictator
Families are not democracies. Kid judgment can be immature, unreasonable, and self-serving. If you’re not making the decisions, or are letting the kids buffalo you into doing things their way, against your better judgment, then you are depriving your kids of leadership. It’s time for a new form of governance that couldn’t be simpler. You have the final vote. Period. End of story.

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Alisa could have been the poster child for the League of Women Voters — this 7-year-old wanted everything to be fair (from her perspective) as well as to have the final vote on every family decision. As an only child, her parents, Yvonne and William, tended to dote upon her and readily admitted that the kid was a tad spoiled. A tad turned out to be an understatement — this child felt that the world, not only her family, revolved around her.

Alisa chose the restaurant to go to for dinner, as well as the movies to rent from the video store. She even called the shots on her mom’s new car. When it came time to purchase a new one, Yvonne wanted a standard minivan, but her daughter threw such a nagging fit that the parents caved in and bought a special edition model. When Alisa described the vehicle during one of our sessions, I couldn’t believe the gadgets and gizmos involved. Yvonne confirmed that they had purchased a van that was advertised on one of the cartoon networks — the car was color-coded to match a certain cartoon character, and it came equipped with a built-in television and video player as well as a video game deck. The amenities of this special edition added over $2,000 to the price of the minivan but apparently Alisa’s vote was final, and she was thrilled.

Only on TODAY.MSNBc.com! Dr. Ruth Peters addresses questions about how best to bring up children. LAST COLUMN: Can my little boy invite a girl for a sleepover? GO TO ALL PARENTING WEEKENDS COLUMNS

Needless to say, I was less than happy with a kid wielding so much power in a family. It’s one thing if Mom wants the fancy car and sees value in an onboard entertainment center, but it’s quite another when the child holds the parents hostage to unreasonable desires by fussing and fretting. And this wasn’t an isolated event — the family had come to see me at the request of Alisa’s first-grade teacher, who was concerned that the child was becoming too bossy in class as well as on the playground. The teacher was most disturbed by Alisa’s constant interrupting, questions about why the class had to do certain projects and worksheets, and her tendency to cry when she didn’t get her way. Thank goodness that Yvonne and William brought her for counseling — she was becoming a tyrant even before she had hit her 8th birthday!

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