Feuds, partying, black auras help classify losers

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Chad Hedrick won three medals in speedskating, and Shani Davis two. When they weren’t collecting bling, though, they acted like Simon Cowell and Paula Abdul debating the merits of the 343rd “American Idol” contestant to sing “I Will Always Love You.”

That’s not all that bad, though. Proving that Miller isn’t the only skier who can go downhill in a hurry, U.S. aerials skier Jeret “Speedy” Peterson was sent home from the Olympics after a night of partying ended in a fight that police had to break up.

At least Peterson had somebody to go home to. Italian ice dancers Barbara Fusar Poli and Maurizio Margaglio weren’t likely to be sharing a taxi after Margaglio dropped Poli near the end of their routine. When they finished, Fusar Poli glared at Margaglio like Lucy Ricardo after Ricky returned from a long night out.

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Not to worry, though, because everything turned out OK, even if the couple finished sixth.

“We were speaking with our eyes like, what we did? We did a mistake,” Fusar Poli said. “It was like, ‘Whoa! We made a mistake.’

You didn’t even have to be an Olympian to be a loser in Turin. Wayne Gretzky’s wife, Janet Jones, arrived with the Great One beseiged by questions about her betting habits. Gretzky swore the scandal that threatened to envelop him would not affect Canada’s chances to repeat as gold medalists, but the Canadians could barely score a goal and the puck stopped there.

Canada didn’t win a medal, and the odds were certainly against that. The United States and Russia failed to medal, too, and a parlay bet on that would have paid off big for someone with, say, an extra 75 large or so to put down.

And who would have bet that the U.S. women’s team would blow its chance at a gold medal by losing to someone other than Canada for the first time since women began chasing pucks for real in 1990. There was so much whiffing going on in the shootout against Sweden that it seemed like Roger Clemens was throwing pucks at them.

So, like, dude, that was it.

Everyone was stoked to be here, but sometimes they couldn’t avoid a swiffer.

It wasn’t all wack, but don’t worry. There’s always another one four years from now.

Tim Dahlberg is a national sports columnist for The Associated Press. Write to him at tdahlbergap.org

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