Fired ‘Apprentice’ just couldn’t keep quiet

“The Apprentice 5” candidates introduced themselves by unleashing a tidal wave of university names, advanced degrees, and success stories about their experiences in the world of business. They gave off an aura of competence and intelligence, and as Donald Trump pointed out repeatedly, one of them is even a member of Mensa.

Alas, this group is just as stupid as the ones that have come before it.

After five seasons, the mistakes of the fallen might serve as valuable lessons for the new candidates. The new candidates could have learned a lot from history, studying past seasons to discover what worked and what did not. Instead, they just showed up and proceeded to screw up exactly like their predecessors had.

The first person to be fired, Summer, impressed no one with her abysmal performance. But she was not dismissed for her incompetence. Instead, she was fired for interrupting Donald Trump in the boardroom. Even pre-schoolers know that interrupting someone isn’t polite, and anyone who’s ever watched even one episode of “The Apprentice” knows how much Trump hates people who talk too much and, worse, interrupt him.

Thus, it was like some kind of bizarre “Apprentice” parody when, as Trump was clearly revving up his engines to fire project manager Tarek, Summer interrupted him. Trump was nothing short of apoplectic.

“How stupid is that?” he cried. “I’m getting ready to almost fire this guy for being a horrible leader, and you interrupt me. You did a lousy job ... and you keep interrupting me and stopping me from doing it. And in the end, what Carolyn said is true.”

What Carolyn said was that Summer was useless during the task, which involved selling upgraded memberships to existing Sam’s Club members. Summer was charged with calling restaurant owners to pitch the membership upgrade, but she made one phone call and then gave up. Even though her logic made sense — as a restaurant owner herself, she knew that interrupting restaurant managers during the dinner rush wouldn’t be successful — it was immediately apparent even to her that this would look bad. She even expected to be selected by her project manager as one of the candidates vulnerable for firing.

Nothing to say for herself
Yet in the boardroom, she had no explanation for her lack of performance. She had to know that she’d be held accountable for her actions, but she wasn’t even able to explain her efforts.

“What I contributed to this team were not things everybody could see,” she said, and of course Trump didn’t buy that lame excuse for a second. “Give me a break,” he said.

Carolyn didn’t give up, demanding to know what Summer did during the task. “What did you contribute to this team? It’s the third time I asked,” she said, clearly exasperated. Summer had no substantive answer.

Carolyn was also appalled by Gold Rush corporation’s marketing strategy when she visited Sam’s Club. She asked project manager Tarek to see the gift bag, and when he handed her an empty, cheap-looking tote bag with the store’s logo on it, she said, “Oh, the gift bag is physically a bag.” That’s right: The gift bag had no contents, and the team was giving them out regardless of whether or not people signed up for upgraded memberships.

Lee was the one person on the team to point out that their plan was a joke and that they had no vision, something which has only plagued “Apprentice” teams since, oh, the very first season.

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