A Valentine's ode to TomKat

Hold on, Sheryl Crow and Lance Armstrong. You too, Heather Locklear and Richie Sambora.  It's Valentine's Day, and we're not going to let your recent breakups bring us down. 

Instead, let's extend a rose to our other favorite celebrity couple, TomKat.  Yes, we know there have been signs of trouble in TomKat paradise earlier this year.  We know that the staunchly Catholic Holmes père et mère were at odds with the Cruise-meister regarding his impregnation of their “virginal” offspring (and, can we guess, his religious beliefs?).  Then early this year, TomKat made a prodigal return to the Holmes family house in Ohio, reportedly hoping to smooth over the rocky relationship.  But the trip ended prematurely, with claims of Katie in tears, and at least one report that the marriage was off.  Ouch! 

But we know that love conquers all.  Just like Xenu.

How do you think the happy couple will be spending this holiday together?

We imagine they'll certainly spend sometime using their private sonogram machine to observe the gestating TomKitten in Katie's womb.  (Unless that baby bump isn't all it's been claimed to be, as suggested by at least one Web observer.)

Perhaps they'll put on a disc of relaxing and romantic music by fellow Scientologist Chick Corea.  If Katie's not into piano jazz, they might select the latest by Beck.

And of course, what could be more romantic than dual tag-team promotion of their new projects: Tom in “M:i:III,” as the trailer's kludgy titles put it, and Katie in "Thank You For Smoking"? Indeed, it's a special day.

So what really says "love," Katie?

Slide show   Top gun A look at Tom Cruise's career and relationships.

It's love when real-life clichés come to life, because we all know that you said that as a little girl you thought you would "marry Tom Cruise."  Then last year, you actually got to fly to Los Angeles to meet with Tom Cruise about appearing in "M:i:III."  Dreams come true!

It's love when neither of you can articulate in public how you first met, but swap endless spit on the red carpet in tandem with the release of your 2005 summer movies (“War of the Worlds,” for Tom, “Batman Begins” for Katie.)

It's love when your sweetie passes over a long list of Hollywood prospects, including Jessica Alba, Kate Bosworth and even 18-year-old Lindsay Lohan, for you!  It's certainly love when Scarlett Johansson, once set to star opposite Cruise in "M:i:III," doesn't know a good thing when she sees one!  By one report, Scarlett's dinner date with the Tomster at the Scientology Celebrity Center in Hollywood turned into a lengthy proselytizing session, complete with a bunch of high-level church officials.  When Johansson caught a whiff of what was up, she hightailed it.  Girl doesn't know what she's missing!

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