Double perfection, lots of padding on ‘Dancing’

The perennially weepy Lisa Rinna and her partner Louis were up next, and Lisa found the transition from the Latin dances she’s done recently to a ballroom dance like the quickstep to be worthy of — you guessed it — weeping. When she collapsed against the wall in rehearsal, Louis decided that there was only one way to comfort her: etiquette lessons. Yes, in order to pull off the elegance of a ballroom dance, His Fair Lisa had to be taught how to sip tea.

To her credit, while it surely had nothing to do with walking around with a book on her head, Lisa executed the quickstep very well. There is more to her than the hot-mama business that shone in the samba and the paso doble, and there is no one to whom it could have meant more to hear the judges say that she looked beautiful and elegant. Lisa’s exuberance at receiving praise borders on the unnerving, but it does make you root for her.

Not worthy of such fan devotion is Stacy Keibler, who returned this week, same as always, and bubbled about how much she loves dancing, same as always, and showed no personality, same as always, and danced very well, same as always. This week, as if the leering of Bruno weren’t enough to drive home that she is the leggy blonde and don't you forget it, Stacy was taken to try out her jive at Camp Pendleton in front of the troops. You’d never guess, but the Marines enjoyed the six-foot legs and the wiggling around in heels from the lady wrestler.

Stacy did a terrific jive, and she was rewarded with perfect scores across the board. But the problem with Stacy as a contestant on this show is that she is unspeakably boring. She never struggles in rehearsal. She never gets frustrated. There is no evident difference between the way she dances now and the way she danced at the beginning. Tony seems to view her primarily as a commodity, in that he can’t believe he got so lucky as to be paired with this gorgeous young thing who turns out to be a natural. There is no discernible warmth between them except what arises from their mutual gratitude for their continued high scores and continued TV exposure.

The group Viennese waltz offered little except the amusement of seeing both Jerry and Drew get filmy bits of their partners’ costumes draped on their heads in unfortunate ways — Jerry looking at one point like he was literally blindfolded by part of Anna’s dress as he spun her around.

Stacy is probably going to win. Wrestling has a large fan base, and so does the concept of being really hot. But what’s interesting is that for all the stuff about how reality television is all about seeing people humiliate themselves, this show is about rooting. It’s fun to root for Drew as he and Cheryl bicker. It’s fun to root for crazy Lisa, who just wants to look pretty and make people like her. It isn’t fun to root for Stacy, who comes off like an emotionless robot.

Any of the bottom three celebrities — George, Jerry, or Lisa — could go this week. The weirdly bulletproof nature of George Hamilton and the tenacity of the football fan, however, suggest that Lisa may have reached the end of the road. She’ll find out tomorrow night during the results show which, shockingly, is even more heavily padded than the performance shows.

Linda Holmes is a writer in Bloomington, Minn.

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