These Rolling Stones gather no controversy

For some inexplicable reason, the female nipple is considered more tantalizing and scandalous in the U.S. than the male version. Male nipples are ubiquitous on the beach. Female nipples are covered in public, except at certain nightclubs and nudist colonies, and at any event that includes Tara Reid.

So if Keith Richards decides to sidle up to band mate Mick Jagger and expose his nipple during the halftime show of Sunday’s Super Bowl, the event would probably be greeted with laughter rather than outrage. Oh, those kidders.

But that probably won’t happen, much to the relief of many in the ranks of the NFL, ABC, FCC, ACLU, NAACP and any other acronym sent reeling two years ago by Nipplegate. The forecast for halftime entertainment at the Super Bowl is mild, and is expected to continue that way indefinitely.

Fans of the Rolling Stones may bristle at the suggestion that Mick and the boys have softened and mellowed in their old age. Even though the three original members are almost old enough to qualify for the federal prescription drug program — Mick and Keith are 62 and Charlie Watts is 64 — the inferno of idealistic youth still drives them. That, and money.

But after the now infamous wardrobe malfunction, the NFL and its broadcast partners have been much more careful about the type of acts booked at halftime of its showcase event.  Last year it was Sir Paul McCartney. This year the Rolling Stones. You’ll notice there’s not a female breast among them, although the Stones have toured for the last 10 years or so with backup singer extraordinaire Lisa Fischer. Don’t be surprised if she shows up Sunday in an NFL-licensed burka.

Obviously, league commissioner Paul Tagliabue has issued an edict that only mainstream acts need apply. That leaves out 50 Cent, Eminem, Ludacris, or any other artist that has ever had the words “explicit lyrics” appear on a CD. It also excludes any sexy females; anyone, male or female, with large breasts; anyone named Jackson; anyone named Janet; or anyone who has ever removed an article of clothing in public.

McCartney was the ideal choice last year. He was paid a reported $3.5 million to sing in Jacksonville, which is a bargain for the services of a superstar when you consider what it usually costs to get most people to visit Jacksonville.

He performed four songs, three from his Beatles days and one from the Wings era, all with a Super Bowl flavor. “Baby, You Can Drive My Car” was a shrewd choice, considering all the automobile companies that advertise during the game. “Get Back” was Sir Paul’s way of indicating he was down with American football, since it reminds some fans of “Push ‘em back, push ‘em back, wayyy back!” Obviously “Live & Let Die” was advice to the Eagles on how to handle the Terrell Owens situation. And “Hey Jude” was actually a last-minute replacement for “I Am The Walrus,” which some league officials worried might insult Eagles coach Andy Reid.

MORE FROM MORE NEWS AND OTHER FEATURES

Contract dispute cancels Spears’ Warsaw show

Contract dispute cancels Spears’ Warsaw show Paisley, Krauss to play White House Aerosmith bass player sidelined after surgery Russell Brand returns to host the VMAs 3 ‘Idol’ alumni target holiday season for debuts Nine Inch Nails to play more farewell shows Ryan Gosling gets ready to release first album Jayhawks reunite with classic lineup En Vogue celebrates 20 years and Jackson Former Beatles, Stones manager Klein dies   Add More news and other features headlines to your news reader: