Another North Carolina ‘Idol’?

A kinder, gentler judge?
One would expect Simon to be cranky spending his birthday in a place far from home listening to hopefuls who had problems carrying a tune.

But his criticisms were mostly geared for the cameras. One contestant was more suited for Jerry Springer than "American Idol," another looked like Mrs. Incredible Hulk, a third had the personality of a hippo, and a fourth needed a soundproof shower curtain if she wanted to keep practicing. Tame stuff for the resident bratty Brit.

But his birthday present came in the form of Marcus Behling, who came in saying he'd won approximately 10 talent shows. Maybe that was for holding a note for the longest time, because he had the judges in stitches. When they asked if he'd had singing lessons he said he had — from a Paula Abdul/Randy Jackson DVD.

"I love life!" Simon said. Randy pointed out that videos don't help much if there's no talent there to start with, but it didn't matter. Not even a call from David Beckham would have made him happier than the proof that Randy and Paula's advice was being lapped up by people with no chance at musical success .

In fact, the judges were nice on both days. They were tolerant of Shawn De Salazar's diagram that was better suited to the science fair than an audition, and Chonna Clepper's showing up in lingerie. Paula rejected Richard Garland with a supportive "Please don't take it so hard. It's just an audition."

The contestants were similarly nice. "I want this more than a whole bag of gummi bears," Ronda Jones said while pleading for mercy. She didn't get it, but odds are small that the judges have ever heard that comparison before. Maybe she would have stood a better chance if she'd made the stakes higher.

Even the advertised blowup — the one teased for the first hour and 45 minues of the two-hour show, wasn't much for drama. Rhonetta Johnson came on stage, sang a couple of songs, and got the 3-0 boot from the judges.

Simon's feedback was "absolutely not," and Randy's helpful words were "It's a no … Rhonetta, you're not a good singer." Paula just gave a simple "no," and even offered her water.

Apparently, Johnson didn't like the tone of that "no." After smiling and walking offstage, she spent a few minutes on an anti-Paula diatribe that was probably no worse than the producers yelled in private after the whole Corey Clark fiasco of last year. She's not a superstar, she hasn't released an album in about 20 years, she's old … all things anybody can get off of the Internet.

Apart from the profanities, it wasn't even all that entertaining. The voices from North Carolina have traditionally been the best in the show, but clearly the malcontents are mostly just hype.

Craig Berman is a writer in Washington, D.C.

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