Just call it ‘Aimless Icy Drifting with Celebrities’

< Prev | 1 | 2

Television video

TODAY

‘SNL’ spoofs D.C. party crashers
Dec. 7: Last week provided a slew of material for the cast of “Saturday Night Live,” which opened this weekend with a sketch about the Salahis, the couple who crashed a White House dinner.

SNL spoofs Tiger Woods

SyFy reimagines ‘Alice in Wonderland’

Stage star Chenoweth on new gig

‘Monk’ actor on show finale

In second-to-last place is Todd Bridges, who accompanied “Wild Wild West” with what may be the most desperate fit of skating you will ever see. The lyrics to the song are kicky, but you could sense Bridges mentally chanting, “Don’t fall, don’t fall, don’t fall” the entire time. He didn’t fall, but it certainly looked like it could happen at any moment. His partner, Jenni Meno, looked almost as uncomfortable with the hip-hop dancing portion of the program as Bridges did with the skating, although she had him at a disadvantage in that she never seemed to be at risk of knocking herself unconscious. Bridges went for his own white-navy-uniform moment of utter embarrassment when one of the judges criticized his work and he busted out, “Whatchoo talkin’ ‘bout?” It’s never good when a celebrity manages to actually say what a parody of the show might suggest.

At the bottom of the barrel is Kristy Swanson, who attempted elegance with her somewhat disdainful partner, pairs skater Lloyd Eisler. The number dragged, and Swanson stumbled once or twice. Eisler’s domineering personality seems destined to clash with Swanson’s obvious limitations, and they are likely not long for this world.

Overall, the skating in the first episode was about on par with what you’d see if an Internet startup threw a skating party and all the programmers who took skating lessons in elementary school had one too many Leinenkugels and started showing off. (“I remember how to do a waltz jump!” “Awesome! Where’d you put the bottle opener?”)

Story continues below ↓

advertisement | your ad here

The judges, of course, have to find a way to deal with all that badness without ruining the fun. They’re reacting about as the “American Idol” panel does. Coach John Nicks is the Simon Cowell, finding new and British ways to tell everyone they’re awful. Mark Lund is the Randy Jackson, with the sharp tongue but also ready praise. And Dorothy Hamill, rather sadly, is the Paula Abdul of this project, finding the good in everyone, even if there is clearly no good to be found.

This week’s episode didn’t end with an elimination; the first elimination will come at the end of next week’s show, when the scores from this week and the scores from next week will be combined and the lowest scorers booted. Just a guess: it’s not going to be Jillian Barberie.

Linda Holmes is a writer in Bloomington, Minn.

< Prev | 1 | 2