‘Idol’ returns as winter comfort viewing

“American Idol” is the comfort food of reality television. While other shows have the backstabbing and the bombast, “Idol” has managed to take the old-fashioned concept of a talent show, combine it with karaoke night, add some sardonic commentary and the bright lights of television, and turn it into a massive, unbeatable hit.

“Idol” has thus far kept to the one-season-per calendar year approach, resisting the Trumpesque temptation to beat the brand name into the ground month after month.  The result is that every January, viewers feel as if they’re sitting down with old friends to catch up.

OK, so Paula Abdul’s a little bit on the crazy side, and prone to random outbursts at inopportune times, Randy Jackson speaks in a language that nobody except him understands, and Simon Cowell is Simon Cowell. Still, some viewers take comfort in the knowledge that they're up for five more months of bad karaoke, insults, snafus and sometimes even decent singing performances.

Fox promises some new twists and turns for 2006. This year supposedly features a ruder version of the last few seasons, with wholesomeness theoretically sacrificed for back-biting and drama. Singers quit onstage, auditioners insult other contestants … the promotional spots make the show sound like “Survivor,” only with better food and hot showers.

But don’t be too sure that’s not more hype than fact. "American Idol" isn’t one of those programs where betraying and backstabbing earns someone a million dollars. The audience votes to keep people in the competition, not eliminate the obnoxious, and generally the way to audience votes is through the heart, not through the back.

In fact, it’s safe to assume that a lot of what we’ve seen in past years will re-emerge this time around.

William Hung II, III, IV, V…
As anyone who's watched the show knows, Hung was the Season Three contestant who was so bad, yet so sincere, that he landed a record deal and appeared in a movie, something some of that season’s finalists are still seeking.

His success has seemingly inspired other awful singers to try their luck, but the more interesting contestants are those who don’t seem to realize how bad they are. Every few minutes of the auditions, viewers are treated to a well-meaning trainwreck, someone whose family and friends are apparently too kind to tell them they should forget about a singing career.

Thankfully, the judges don’t have that kindness problem.

‘You haven’t seen the last of me!’
It never fails. A singer will audition, fail to make it into the next stage of the competition, and rant about how the judges are making a huge mistake and rejecting the next Madonna, Springsteen, or Pray for the Soul of Betty.

It’s great to keep the dream alive, but let’s be honest … how many “Idol” also-rans have turned up again over the past four years? About as many as believe Justin Guarini was robbed in the Oscar voting for "From Justin to Kelly."

Sob stories straight from a Lifetime movie
The whole point of the auditions is to get the audience cheering for everyone. So for a few weeks, “American Idol” becomes like Lifetime TV movies — full of stories about hopefuls who have made it that far because of medical miracles, pawning their wedding rings, quitting their jobs, driving 17 hours in the snow uphill both ways, all to defy music-hating parents who said pop songs are instruments of the devil.

That just makes it all the sadder when most of them get kicked off the show after 30 seconds of airtime.

Good cop, bad cop and bad dawg
Despite the summertime rumors that producers were considering replacing Paula Abdul with the likes of Whitney Houston or Mariah Carey, the judging trio of Abdul, Simon Cowell and Randy Jackson will return again this season.

That means that in most cases, Paula will love whoever is auditioning, Simon will hate them, and Randy will break the tie. Since the judging in this competition is subjective, contestants move forward or are kicked off solely based on what the three judges say.

That means that in some cities, marginal contestants are put through to the next stage because they amuse or entertain the troika. In others, perhaps those with inferior room service at the hotels, everyone shows up cranky and nobody moves on at all.

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