Save the celebrities! Give to exhaustion fund

Youth is no protection against celebrity ills, especially this year. GlaxoSmithKlein has yet to find an exhaustion inoculation, and rumored rivals Lindsay Lohan and Hilary Duff both paid the price. Along with two paparazzi-induced car crashes, Lohan was also hospitalized for exhaustion — which may have something to do with her sudden weight loss (You know hospital food).

Maybe that’s why Duff decided to play it safe — taking time off for exhaustion before it became a medical necessity. After filming three movies, recording an album, and performing on tour, Duff announced in November that she plans on doing nothing for a while.

Perhaps “American Idol” second-place finisher Bo Bice could learn a thing or two from Duff, an industry veteran. Bice was set to replace exhausted Ashlee Simpson at the “Radio Music Awards” on December 19, when he was “rushed to the hospital” and subsequently replaced at the RMAs by the Goo Goo Dolls. According to his spokesperson, Bice suffered complications from recent intestinal surgery.

Maybe the cure lies with celebrity heiress Paris Hilton. Famous for no apparent reason, Hilton is tireless in her acting, modeling, authoring, and fashion designing ventures. She isn’t afraid to get her picture taken at your club for a nominal fee or breakup publicly with equally rich boys of the same name. She even carries wild animals like that kinkajou on her shoulder with nary a rabies shot. Any one of these activities would sideline the average celebrity within hours. But not Hilton.

Once funding is collected for the CCDC, medical researchers would be well advised to harness Hilton’s natural essence against exhaustion and find a cure — even if it means Hilton must remain absent from the public eye … indefinitely. If nothing else, us regular folks might feel a little bit better.

Helen Popkin lives in New York and is a regular contributor to MSNBC.com.

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