Living your dream

Aside from the celebrity for being one of the oldest new moms, Aleta St. James is an internationally acclaimed emotional healer and life coach.

Weaving together her own dramatic story of inspiration, success stories from her clientele, and lessons from her journeys to spiritual "power spots," Aleta St. James' new book, "Life Shift" deals with how to transform feelings of failure, frustration, doubt, and loneliness into a creative power that becomes a force in attracting joy, fulfillment, success, and love.

Read an excerpt, below.

1952, Brooklyn, N.Y. — There is a constant theme that runs through my life’s desires. When I was growing up in Brooklyn, I loved my family and wanted to please them so much that I was terrified of their disapproval. This fear of being unloved if I wasn’t a “good girl” began when I was very young and continued throughout my life. At the same time, my mother raised me to be an independent spirit who was allowed to follow her dreams. This dichotomy led me to focus on achieving dreams that were always about making others happy.

I think that I got my imaginative spirit from my mother: She had always dreamed of being an actress and was a hit in amateur productions at our local church. Because my merchant seaman father was usually gone on one long voyage or another, my mother was left to fill the role of disciplinarian, along with her other familial duties. When my brother, sister, or I misbehaved, Mom would conjure up a bigger-than-life character she called “the Brownie.” She would say, “Go hide,” and in a loud voice call out, “Oh, Brownie!” This invisible but very awesome presence would immediately respond in an even louder, deeper voice. “Hello, Aleta. This is the Brownie. Have you been a good girl?” Of course I’d always say, “Yes, Brownie.” Invariably, the Brownie’s voice would respond, “Hm-m-m-m-m . . . that’s not what I heard.” And in a low, slow voice, he’d say, “I am so sad! I hate to do this, but I am going to have to punish you, Aleta.” Then I’d lose a privilege, or my new toy would mysteriously disappear, even if I took great pains to hide it beforehand. Once, the beloved Cracker Jack ring that I was wearing disappeared from my finger as I slept. I could never figure out how the Brownie managed that one!

It didn’t take me long to realize that if I followed the rules and did what my mother wanted, I’d be rewarded, but if I didn’t, I’d soon suffer the consequences. That’s when I began being a “people pleaser.” I became the president of my class, head cheerleader, won the National Drama Championships, helped every single person who had a problem, and was the best, most understanding girlfriend in the world to many a needy young man. I would become anxious if someone didn’t like me. And no matter how hard I tried, I never felt I had done enough, was good enough, or could trust being loved unless I was doing something for other people.

My mother’s dream for me was that I would stay in Brooklyn, live in a neighborhood close to her, marry a lawyer or doctor, and then move the whole family (including her) out to the suburbs. Just as Mother must have felt, my desire to entertain and make people happy led me to dream of the stage. Yet unlike my mother, I chose to follow my dream. While the last thing I wanted to do was hurt my family, I had to gather my courage and leave home to become an actress.

The result was more surprising than I expected. I braced myself for the rejection and disapproval of my family. Instead, much to my mother’s credit, she got over me going to drama school in England and ceased pulling her hair out and raving in Italian about her “ungrateful patsa daughter running away from home and doing the nude scene in Hair.” Eventually, she threw in her support 200 percent and was my biggest champion. I realized that I deserved the right to pursue my dreams, and I didn’t need the approval of others to follow them. Without even knowing it, I had life shifted.

As soon as I started on my own path of realization, I immediately began working with other people. My desire to make others happy continued as I dreamed of becoming a spiritual healer. In my mid-twenties I learned how to heal myself, and then heal others. Again, I followed my heart, did the hard work by using my dynamic and magnetic energies, and was able to manifest this dream. There was a natural connection between my two dreams, which continues today. I use my theatrical talents when I am giving seminars, speaking to the public, appearing on TV, or making videos and CDs to get out my message.

Most recently, I dreamed of becoming a mother. This time, I didn’t care what people thought of my decision: I was going to have a baby in my fifties no matter what anyone else said. Again, I was pleasantly surprised. As I went about fulfilling that dream, people were more gracious than I ever could have imagined. People I hardly knew seemed to come out of nowhere with extraordinarily generous baby gifts or offers of time and assistance. My willingness to go after my dream touched others to want to be a part of the magic of seeing a dream come true.

Now I understand my destiny: to teach others to let go of their fears that they will stop being safe, loved, and cherished if they defy other people’s wishes. I have learned that people will always come around once you have the courage to identify your desires. Everyone is inspired by other people’s bravery. By listening to my heart, doing the work, and following my dreams, I found my destiny.

Desire Creates the Dream that Leads to Your Destiny
Maybe you wish you could lose weight and be healthier and more energetic, or maybe you want to learn photography and take pictures of people and places that fascinate you. Maybe you want to travel, go back to school, or move across the country and start life afresh. You might desire a new job or a new relationship. You might dream of becoming rich or famous, or both. No dream is too small or too big to realize. This book will help you identify what you truly want and help you get it.

The words desires, dreams, and destiny are not interchangeable. To me, they mean very different things. Anything you can easily identify is probably just the tip of a much larger dream that, together, we will be able to uncover. Those smaller dreams are really your desires: the things or ideas that you want right now. Over time, your desires will create or drive your dream, which then creates your destiny. For example, my desire to make other people happy led me to fulfill many dreams—becoming an actress, a healer, a mother. But my destiny is to teach others what I have learned along the way.

Your journey begins by first identifying your desires, whatever they may be. If those around you can’t support your vision or accept your choices, so be it. Your courage may bring up their own deeply hidden feelings of inadequacy and insecurity, but those are their issues. More important, don’t let their insecurities feed your own. It will take all the courage you have to do this work, so don’t let other people’s fear reactivate yours. All you need right now is to make the decision to let the fires within identify the inner voice that’s urging you on.

Desires
True desire comes from a place deep within that connects you to the voice of your soul. It is an emotional longing that, when fulfilled, urges you to love and be loved. Your desires bring you joy, whether it is a yearning for greater creative expression, romantic love, or the ability to be connected to a group that gives you the feeling of affinity and belonging. You can recognize a desire because when you think of it, you feel contentment and exhilaration. When you are disconnected from it, you feel that you are severed from the essence of your true self.

The energy of desire is the creative force that propels the power of your dreams into the momentum of manifestation and keeps you on the path of fulfilling your destiny. Each of us has the potential to go beyond where we are. Our desires challenge us not to get stuck in the past but to propel ourselves forward, always creating new possibilities and forms of fulfillment for ourselves and others. For example, your desire to be a mother can lead you to find a committed partner, get married, and start a family.

When Karen first came to see me, she was a successful, highly paid advertising executive. As a single mother taking care of her three-year-old twins, Karen couldn’t give up her income. She was emotionally torn because she experienced deep feelings of guilt every time she had to leave her children. By the time she came home at night, she was so exhausted from her high-powered, stressful job that she could barely muster up enough energy to play with her children before she put them to bed. Karen knew that these were the important, formative years, and that she was missing a very big part of this precious time having to work to support the family. She felt trapped and frustrated. She came to me crying, “I wish I could stay at home and just be with my kids.”

I told Karen that her desire to stay home was the exact emotional energy she needed. At first she became very defensive and began to tell me how impossible that idea was, being a single parent with huge financial responsibilities. I asked her, “What do you love to do above everything?”

“Cooking for my family” was her immediate reply. Karen loved having her family and friends enter her home and feel embraced by the smells of delicious food coming from the kitchen. When she felt particularly stressed, she often kneaded dough and baked magnificent breads and extraordinary desserts to release the tension. She knew that these creative activities brought her back to her center.

I asked her to close her eyes and describe a dream she might have of a happy and fulfilled life in which she could have it all. At first Karen was at a loss; she just couldn’t imagine it. I asked her, “If you could imagine exactly what you wanted, what would it be?”

It took her a few long, deep breaths, and then all of a sudden she blurted out, “To have a job that I loved doing that would financially support my family so I could stay home and spend more time with my twins. That’s what I want!”

I said, “Now close your eyes again and ask yourself if there were no limitations in your mind, how you would imagine yourself making an income around something you really love, like cooking and baking?”

Karen thought for a while and then excitedly said, “I could write a cookbook about the art of home cooking and entertaining. I’d love to inspire women to cook for their families and friends with easy, delicious recipes...and maybe start a catering and baking business from my home.”

Karen and I worked together for a long time, and finally her dream took form out of her desire. Karen activated her alpha and Magnetic Female energies and began to attract everything she needed into her life. She developed the courage to leave her job, built her catering business, wrote a very successful cookbook, and became a well-known culinary artist sought after by the media. Most important, Karen overcame great odds and manifested her dream of spending quality time with her children.

Accessing Your Desires
Some of your desires may have been clear to you all along. I have always known I was hardwired to entertain others. As a child, I loved to perform for my family and friends, making them laugh with stories I would create and act out. When I was four, I was in the chorus in my cousin Jimmy’s children’s theater—I remember belting out “Oh, let the sun shine in!” with my whole heart and soul. I graduated to playing Glamour Puss in a murder mystery called The Nine Girls, and later, at age twelve, I performed in a summer-stock theater in Plymouth, Massachusetts. I’ve continued to act, direct, and write throughout my life.

Perhaps you haven’t identified your desires or figured out what your dream might be. That’s okay. You can start small by getting in touch with one desire and then doing something about it. For example, let’s say you love reading to children, and you enjoy watching the smiles on their faces as they listen to your voice. You can volunteer at a local library or give your neighbor a much-needed break by watching her kids. The fact that you took that first small step is enough to begin to ignite your energy, which will ultimately propel you forward to realizing your dreams.

When you live your life to the fullest every day by doing the small things that engage your talents, you make your corner of the world that much brighter, and you remind yourself of what really makes you feel alive.

Revealing Your Desires

Take a relaxed, normal breath in and then exhale. Imagine in your mind’s eye that there is a golden sun directly in front of you. Feel its warm rays penetrating your body as you inhale. As you exhale, release any stress, anxiety, or anger that you might be feeling back into the sun and watch each negative emotion burn and disintegrate in the light. As you continue breathing, feel this golden light filling up your heart and ask yourself, “If I could have anything I desire without placing any limitations on it, what would that desire be?” Listen to what your heart begins to tell you. Just allow your desires to come to the surface and make themselves known.

Once you have identified your desires, write them down in a journal or on an index card.

Now that you have recognized your desires, don’t talk yourself out of going after what you really want. I promise that you were not meant to have a miserable existence, doing what you hate to do or never really being successful at work or in a relationship. You deserve to be happy. How amazing will your life be once you discover what you excel at or find yourself in a healthy, loving, committed partnership? Until you start going after what you desire, you won’t truly be happy, because you are not following the deep longings of your soul.

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