After ‘King Kong,’ what's left?

Ring around the ‘Rings’
The one film that most of Jackson’s fans would love to see him make, of course, is “The Hobbit” — the first of J.R.R. Tolkien’s Middle Earth books.

Jackson himself has been quoted repeatedly saying that he’d like to do it. For a while, the chief obstacle seemed to be the vehement disapproval of Tolkien’s estate, but more recent developments seem to be centering around rights issues with the novel, which is a promising sign. Still, it will apparently be at least three years before anything concrete happens. Perhaps Jackson and his “Rings” cast could develop some other projects in the meantime. A few ideas:

Bond, Gollum Bond: After actor Daniel Craig, recently chosen to be the new James Bond in the upcoming “Casino Royale,” is found dead in a mysterious orc-related incident, producers are forced to rethink the entire concept, bringing Jackson on as director and casting an unexpected new Bond: the wretched, slinking “Lord Of The Rings” character Gollum.

Wielding his newfound superstar clout, Gollum demands that “Casino Royale” be thrown out in favor of a remake of “Goldfinger” in which the villain is “a thieving little hobbit, yes, who stole our Precious from us! Precious!” The film ends with a spectacular fight scene in Frodo Goldfinger’s top-secret base inside an active volcano, with only 30 seconds remaining for Bond to defeat Goldfinger’s evil henchman, a fat hobbit armed with a razor-sharp hat, before a nuclear missile launches itself at New York. Bond deliberately lets the missile launch itself, and in the noise and smoke, bites off Goldfinger’s finger and steals his ring.

Book 'em, Lego: Besides being two guys you’d want on your side in a battle against a horde of goblins, grumpy dwarf Gimli and pretty-boy elf Legolas had good comic chemistry as a pair of polar opposites who grudgingly came to respect each other’s abilities and even became friends. So here’s a natural spinoff: A buddy-cop action movie in the style of “Lethal Weapon,” except the lethal weapons in this case are a giant axe and a bow strung with the hair of elf queen Galadriel.

Picture it: Several years after the events of the last movie, Gimli is working as a beat cop patrolling the streets of the crime-ridden underground city of Khazad-Dum. When his partner is killed by an evil coalition of orcs and Colombian drug lords, he must bring the culprits to justice while learning to tolerate the quirks of his hotshot new partner Legolas, who has incredible skill as an archer but who spends their entire coffee-and-donuts budget on expensive shampoo.

Man in the mirror: With Jackson at the helm, actor Ian McKellen could team up with, well, Ian McKellen in a film that would pit two of his most well-known characters against each other, in “Gandalf Versus Magneto: The Final Battle,” followed closely by its sequel “Gandalf Versus Magneto: The Next Final Battle” and the trilogy-closing “Gandalf Versus Magneto: This Is The Last One, Honest.”

It would surely be an opportunity for a massive special-effects extravaganza, and to save money on the production, Jackson could save money on expensive split-screen technology by having McKellen deliver his Magneto lines while wearing the villain’s trademark helmet, then rushing across the stage, removing the helmet and holding up a voluminous white beard to his face while playing Gandalf.

Who'll play Wilbur? Shelob, the giant spider seen in Return Of The King, is the obvious choice to star in a remake of children’s classic Charlotte’s Web. The ending would have to be rewritten as a tragedy, of course, since Shelob would certainly wind up eating the other characters. And the film crew.

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